Why do people here feel unimportant?

Kohadre wrote:

MadHatter wrote:

Kohadre wrote: What I basically got out of that post was,

The temple is too big for its own good, and needs to figure out a way to manage its existing ranks before it plans on growing any larger.

Quickly, if possible.

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Ok how did you get this? How on earth can you expect everyone to know everyone at all times? I mean really most likely you did not know everyone at your high-school or even in your graduating class. Do you know everyone in the company you work for? What about just the district you work in? In any group that gets beyond fifty or sixty people knowing all the members becomes difficult if not impossible for most people. Especially when we've no faced to match to names nor have we likely even spoken to each person one to one.

You inadvertently just proved my point and reinforced one of the problems contributing to why people feel unimportant here.

If people can't be recognized on the temple, and instead most go ignored, what reason do they have to come here?

EDIT:

And for those throwing out the "special snowflake argument", lets make something clear. People come here with the need to feel special, and as though they are part of something that matters. Telling them that the temple doesn't need them and will be the same without them sends the message that not only are they not special, but that they have absolutely no value to the temple whatsoever.

The people who use this argument in my experience, are some of the most nasty, bitter, disgusting types of people to be around, and in most cases have inferiority complexes of their own that require them to belittle others in order to feel important.

I'm not surprised that so much negativity comes from many of the people on this forum, but I am disappointed because of what they claim to be.

Ok first of all have you spoken to every single new member? Never missed a one? Do you talk to EVERYONE online each day? No? Then how can you fault anyone for not being able to remember and talk to at least the fifty a day set of people that show up here? If you want friends make them. Thats what I had to do. I was hardly spoken to or contacted by anyone on this forum. So I got myself involved and started conversations. If you cant do that well then you cant blame others for your inaction.

As for the coming here with the need to feel speical well thats funny because I came here to learn what it was to be a Jedi. I came here to grow spiritually, I came here to learn to temper my ego and emotions. Not a single one of those things are aided by feeling like im special.
In fact feeling special is just a stone in the path. Realizing you are just another initiate stumbling along the path is a good lesson one should pick up during the IP.

Zenchi wrote:

M Gray wrote:

Khaos wrote:

Snowy Aftermath wrote:

rugadd wrote: I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

Breaking my self-imposed silence only to say that this is true. But online human interaction is all that some people have. And we should go out of our way to make everyone feel loved and needed, even if we don't know that circumstance about them.

I barely get in as much time I would like with my own wife and son. I doubt I have the capacity, much less the desire, to make everyone at ToTJO feel special. Also, only a handful of individuals here are in any way on the radar of note for me. Why should I pretend otherwise?

The sensation of potency is not the same as the possession of potency.-Darth Draconis

I refuse to blow smoke up peoples backsides to make them feel better.

Get better, that should be the goal, especially if the online world controls your emotional responses to such a degree.

As opposed to blaming members here, perhaps its best to admit that your not responsible enough yet to use the internet for such methods of communication. It cannot fill certain holes and emotional/psychological problems.

This attitude of superiority is exactly what we need to avoid. Don't take personal problems out on others, and don't join the temple if you don't plan to take its approach with an open heart. If you aren't willing to put in the effort, it brings down those who are.

I don't see this as a product of a superiority complex. This isn't a mental hospital folks, a lot of people come here with problems, real problems that we can't begin to address or fix, it's not the Temple's job. That may sound harsh, but think about it before jumping to conclusions before replying.

The focus of this site should not be coodling members with mental and social issues, it is a church and school, where individuals learn to become Jedi so they may take what they've learned here and apply in the real world. I see so many people coming here who are using the temple as their own voice box or trying to make the temple about their own personal problems and drama. That's not what the focus of this site should be. We are not shrinks.

The training is hard, some of the social interactions and situations can be difficult, this is designed to give you the tools to empower yourself and assist others in the world around you thus making your small part of the world a better place. If the Temple bends over and caters to the whim of every broken snowflake coming in, we are not doing them a service, and the temple grows weaker in attempts at making everyone feel important.

Exactly. People coming to the internet to feel special are never going to feel special. This is something in ones offline life that they are trying to fix online, but the root problem is deeper than that and ToTJO is not only not qualified to make such fixes( Certain individuals may have the professional background, but I doubt that many, nor is this the proper medium to fix them)but cannot maintain being put on a pedestal to do so.

When people come to these forums for solutions and training to fix things that the forum does not even profess to do, it will only leave those who came here for such solutions...well, as unhappy as offline seems to have.

I'm feeling ignored and unimportant because this thread. I'm sure it's someones fault. :woohoo:

Ok, here's my next question. Is there a difference between actively trying to make people feel important and trying not to make people feel unimportant?

Should we strive more for one than the other?

Its ok, I think another hiatus is due after being reminded how this community works.

See you all in another year or so.

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Goken wrote: Ok, here's my next question. Is there a difference between actively trying to t and trying not to make people feel unimportant?

Should we strive more for one than the other?

They key there, I feel, is "make people"...

No one has any power over you that you dont let them have...

There will be head bumping, and as long as we all try our best, thats all we can ask...

And, thats all that should be expected....

Goken wrote: Ok, here's my next question. Is there a difference between actively trying to make people feel important and trying not to make people feel unimportant?

Should we strive more for one than the other?

In this case, I don't feel we should focus on either, merely point to the creed. It's self explanatory to most, but can be elaborated should someone not quite understand it's secret subliminal messages, lol...

Kohadre wrote: Its ok, I think another hiatus is due after being reminded how this community works.

See you all in another year or so.

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I'm sorry to hear that, Kohadre. I'll miss having you around.

More on topic: I agree with Khaos. We here at the Temple cannot hope to heal all wounds. The Temple doesn't exist to make people feel special. However, I do feel that we should do our best to make members feel wanted and important. There is no real reason we shouldn't do this. As Jedi we are expected to be compassionate about others and part of our duty is to insure we aren't alienating people unnecessarily. The leadership should hear what we have to say and respond appropriately. Even if you're not a "leader" in the Temple you can do your part to help in that goal. When someone has a new idea or comes to us for help with something we should listen and provide what advice we can. I expect this from my friends but I don't know if I can rely on the Temple as an entity to do this. I'm not even sure if we should expect this from the Temple at large. It would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to do this for every single member.

I feel that the leadership can do better, but they can't do it all. People have lives outside the Temple. We all do. There are times when we won't feel like making people feel important. I know there are times I feel like reaching through my computer and slapping someone. That being said, we should do our best to welcome those around us and make them feel as if they are being heard. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. Even if no solutions are offered to a given problem, a kind ear can be enough to make one feel a little better. Feeling important in this kind of a group is important and I don't think we should give up on this goal just because we're an online group. I know if I had a Church or physical Temple to go to I'd expect to be made to feel important there. We should strive, as much as possible, to act as if we do have a physical Temple. This digital Temple is our "home" and it's members should at least feel welcome and comfortable being here.

One suggestion from me would be for each of us to try doing just one more thing that would make someone feel important. Send a PM to someone you know is having a rough time. Tell someone in chat that you appreciate them. Post something in a forum thread that uplifts others. Be willing to listen when someone has a complaint or concern. Be available to answer a question. If we all do just one thing when we visit that makes someone else feel like they belong here I think our experiences here would improve greatly. Many of you already do these sorts of things and I applaud you for them. Keep coming back and keep trying to make this a better place. There will always be aspects we can improve upon. Let's tackle them one at a time with focus and wisdom.

For those who feel stressed about anything in life, or who have mental challenges, or who just need someone private to talk to, there is an amazing website called 7 Cups that is fantastic for helping anyone with problems or challenges where little has helped before. Easily connect to a listener automatically & anonymously, or join and get a solid program in place for you. It takes a bit of commitment, but the website can & will definitely provide concrete steps towards dealing with stress, mental health, and genuine well-being. It's definitely helped me out

http://www.7cups.com/

Kohadre wrote: Its ok, I think another hiatus is due after being reminded how this community works.

See you all in another year or so.

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Please don't feel that way. Just chill for a whilw. Take a break from this thread and anything else that stress you. Be happy for a while.