Why do people here feel unimportant?

Kohadre wrote: What I basically got out of that post was,

The temple is too big for its own good, and needs to figure out a way to manage its existing ranks before it plans on growing any larger.

Quickly, if possible.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

Ok how did you get this? How on earth can you expect everyone to know everyone at all times? I mean really most likely you did not know everyone at your high-school or even in your graduating class. Do you know everyone in the company you work for? What about just the district you work in? In any group that gets beyond fifty or sixty people knowing all the members becomes difficult if not impossible for most people. Especially when we've no faced to match to names nor have we likely even spoken to each person one to one.

Khaos wrote: More and more when I come here, I cant help but feel like many here would fit in at Yale.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd4kX66uG1M

I find it incredibly offensive that you would post a vertical video. I'm leaving the Jedi Order... forever! :silly:

http://www.ted.com/talks/celeste_headlee_10_ways_to_have_a_better_conversation

MadHatter wrote:

Kohadre wrote: What I basically got out of that post was,

The temple is too big for its own good, and needs to figure out a way to manage its existing ranks before it plans on growing any larger.

Quickly, if possible.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

Ok how did you get this? How on earth can you expect everyone to know everyone at all times? I mean really most likely you did not know everyone at your high-school or even in your graduating class. Do you know everyone in the company you work for? What about just the district you work in? In any group that gets beyond fifty or sixty people knowing all the members becomes difficult if not impossible for most people. Especially when we've no faced to match to names nor have we likely even spoken to each person one to one.

You inadvertently just proved my point and reinforced one of the problems contributing to why people feel unimportant here.

If people can't be recognized on the temple, and instead most go ignored, what reason do they have to come here?

EDIT:

And for those throwing out the "special snowflake argument", lets make something clear. People come here with the need to feel special, and as though they are part of something that matters. Telling them that the temple doesn't need them and will be the same without them sends the message that not only are they not special, but that they have absolutely no value to the temple whatsoever.

The people who use this argument in my experience, are some of the most nasty, bitter, disgusting types of people to be around, and in most cases have inferiority complexes of their own that require them to belittle others in order to feel important.

I'm not surprised that so much negativity comes from many of the people on this forum, but I am disappointed because of what they claim to be.

Kohadre wrote:
And for those throwing out the "special snowflake argument", lets make something clear. People come here with the need to feel special, and as though they are part of something that matters. Telling them that the temple doesn't need them and will be the same without them sends the message that not only are they not special, but that they have absolutely no value to the temple whatsoever.

this is the part that got my "thank you"

It is not realistic to get a real sense of connection and personal value on a forum on the internet. I love this Temple, but that kind of feeling comes from gathering with people whom you share a common moral core. This is one of the reasons that people go to a physical church. Too celebrate life by showing love and concern for each other.

I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

MadHatter wrote:

Kohadre wrote: What I basically got out of that post was,

The temple is too big for its own good, and needs to figure out a way to manage its existing ranks before it plans on growing any larger.

Quickly, if possible.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

Ok how did you get this? How on earth can you expect everyone to know everyone at all times? I mean really most likely you did not know everyone at your high-school or even in your graduating class. Do you know everyone in the company you work for? What about just the district you work in? In any group that gets beyond fifty or sixty people knowing all the members becomes difficult if not impossible for most people. Especially when we've no faced to match to names nor have we likely even spoken to each person one to one.

You inadvertently just proved my point and reinforced one of the problems contributing to why people feel unimportant here.

If people can't be recognized on the temple, and instead most go ignored, what reason do they have to come here?

[strike]At the risk of sounding like an ass, "how do you suggest fixing it?"[/strike]

Actually, I said it for the humor... lol...

There is no fix, I have a finite amount of time, and energy, not to mention memory...

The way this shoud work, is like a martial arts school...

Lets say I alone am the head of it...

I train 3-5 people, and we become a tight group...

They train 3-5 people each, and become a tight group...

And that second group, yada, and yada...

You get my point...

As I said to another, I dont have the luxury time to chat for fun too often, it takes a lot of effort to give attention to the various tasks to run the temple, and yes, I do spread the work out...

I now have someone helping me with the Applications, Youth Forum, Council is a pretty active one, Facebook, name changes, and various other aspects of TOTJO...

AS I spread myself thinner, and thinner, I am probably more their helpers, that they are mine, lol...

But, I have less time to greet the new people, and help them with their questions, and there is a ton of people who now are doing what I was doing singly-handed 5 years ago...

There comes a time when we will not know everyone...

Do you know them all?

I dont know the dude (I guess it was a dude) who just ask me for a name change, but after my little 'hoops', I changed it for him... Not a problem..

Not knowing me, (or anyone) shouldnt mean we are unapproachable, not that we hold ourselves in higher regard than we hold anyone else around here...

There are some assholes here, but, just like anything else, to some, I may be one, to others, I am not... And, I hope I have more that think I am not, and if not, I just need to be shown this, and will step down... ...

EDIT:

And for those throwing out the "special snowflake argument", lets make something clear. People come here with the need to feel special, and as though they are part of something that matters. Telling them that the temple doesn't need them and will be the same without them sends the message that not only are they not special, but that they have absolutely no value to the temple whatsoever.

The people who use this argument in my experience, are some of the most nasty, bitter, disgusting types of people to be around, and in most cases have inferiority complexes of their own that require them to belittle others in order to feel important.

I'm not surprised that so much negativity comes from many of the people on this forum, but I am disappointed because of what they claim to be.

No sir, I beg to differ...

Well, with part of that... You are right, TOTJO needs the people, the people dont really need totjo, Im sure there are other sites equally as helpful.. We are one of many... And I tell peole that... I thank people for joining, or it be me, and 10 other people pulling each others ____, and promoting ourselves to 'high muckity mucks of the muck'... Which, despite how folks THINK things go around here, isnt really true, lol...

People come here for two major reasons, 1. they feel that this spiritual course is the closest yet to their path, 2. they have always wanted to be a jedi...

I joined cause I was lost, and needed a little guidance, I dont want to be special... This was the closest to my spiritual path... lol..

And, after finding what I need, I decided to help others find what they need.... I dont have answewrs for everyone, but, I'll tag along and help look for them...

Im not nice... I dont cater to the 'snowflakes', much...

You ask my Apprentices, I do not judge mistakes and those who have problems, but I dont let them slide on things either...

No 'poor me' parties in Jestor's Circus... lol...

I want to add to that, that I don't mean to say that we shouldn't show support, acceptance, and an uplifting perspective. We have clergy for that specifically. Recognizing and supplying emotional support, spiritual guidance, and advice on personal problems IS something we can expect here.

The individual, however, should take responsibility for the well being as well. I have many suggestions for improving attitude. I have been studying and implementing them for a while now and anyone should feel free to PM me if they like(though I am not clergy, I care)

nd for those throwing out the "special snowflake argument", lets make something clear. People come here with the need to feel special, and as though they are part of something that matters. Telling them that the temple doesn't need them and will be the same without them sends the message that not only are they not special, but that they have absolutely no value to the temple whatsoever.

The people who use this argument in my experience, are some of the most nasty, bitter, disgusting types of people to be around, and in most cases have inferiority complexes of their own that require them to belittle others in order to feel important.

I'm not surprised that so much negativity comes from many of the people on this forum, but I am disappointed because of what they claim to be.

So let me get this straight. Its not the people who are complaining about how important they dont feel...on an internet forum, that have inferiority complexes?

If you have come here with the need to feel special, then you have made some bad choices so far in life and no, coming here to feel special is not a solution. Great that you want to be a part of something, but the motivation, and as evidence would point the subsequent inability of a forum to live up to such (how could it?) expectations is unhealthy for an individual seeking to be here for such reasons.

Your surprised by the negativity? Im surprised by peoples willingness to enable such behavior.

rugadd wrote: I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

Breaking my self-imposed silence only to say that this is true. But online human interaction is all that some people have. And we should go out of our way to make everyone feel loved and needed, even if we don't know that circumstance about them.

Gentleness is so valuable in interactions, no matter where they are.

rugadd wrote: http://www.ted.com/talks/celeste_headlee_10_ways_to_have_a_better_conversation

Clicking the "gracias" button is not enough. Thank you for sharing this, brother.

Snowy Aftermath wrote:

rugadd wrote: I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

Breaking my self-imposed silence only to say that this is true. But online human interaction is all that some people have. And we should go out of our way to make everyone feel loved and needed, even if we don't know that circumstance about them.

I barely get in as much time I would like with my own wife and son. I doubt I have the capacity, much less the desire, to make everyone at ToTJO feel special. Also, only a handful of individuals here are in any way on the radar of note for me. Why should I pretend otherwise?

The sensation of potency is not the same as the possession of potency.-Darth Draconis

I refuse to blow smoke up peoples backsides to make them feel better.

Get better, that should be the goal, especially if the online world controls your emotional responses to such a degree.

As opposed to blaming members here, perhaps its best to admit that your not responsible enough yet to use the internet for such methods of communication. It cannot fill certain holes and emotional/psychological problems.

Khaos wrote:

Snowy Aftermath wrote:

rugadd wrote: I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

Breaking my self-imposed silence only to say that this is true. But online human interaction is all that some people have. And we should go out of our way to make everyone feel loved and needed, even if we don't know that circumstance about them.

I barely get in as much time I would like with my own wife and son. I doubt I have the capacity, much less the desire, to make everyone at ToTJO feel special. Also, only a handful of individuals here are in any way on the radar of note for me. Why should I pretend otherwise?

The sensation of potency is not the same as the possession of potency.-Darth Draconis

I refuse to blow smoke up peoples backsides to make them feel better.

Get better, that should be the goal, especially if the online world controls your emotional responses to such a degree.

As opposed to blaming members here, perhaps its best to admit that your not responsible enough yet to use the internet for such methods of communication. It cannot fill certain holes and emotional/psychological problems.

This attitude of superiority is exactly what we need to avoid. Don't take personal problems out on others, and don't join the temple if you don't plan to take its approach with an open heart. If you aren't willing to put in the effort, it brings down those who are.

M Gray wrote:

Khaos wrote:

Snowy Aftermath wrote:

rugadd wrote: I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

Breaking my self-imposed silence only to say that this is true. But online human interaction is all that some people have. And we should go out of our way to make everyone feel loved and needed, even if we don't know that circumstance about them.

I barely get in as much time I would like with my own wife and son. I doubt I have the capacity, much less the desire, to make everyone at ToTJO feel special. Also, only a handful of individuals here are in any way on the radar of note for me. Why should I pretend otherwise?

The sensation of potency is not the same as the possession of potency.-Darth Draconis

I refuse to blow smoke up peoples backsides to make them feel better.

Get better, that should be the goal, especially if the online world controls your emotional responses to such a degree.

As opposed to blaming members here, perhaps its best to admit that your not responsible enough yet to use the internet for such methods of communication. It cannot fill certain holes and emotional/psychological problems.

This attitude of superiority is exactly what we need to avoid. Don't take personal problems out on others, and don't join the temple if you don't plan to take its approach with an open heart. If you aren't willing to put in the effort, it brings down those who are.

Attitude of superiority? I cant even post in all the forums members can...

I think perhaps this thread is going around in circles....

M Gray wrote:

Khaos wrote:

Snowy Aftermath wrote:

rugadd wrote: I love the Temple, I love being here, I love what it stands for...but it is not a substitute for real human connection.

Breaking my self-imposed silence only to say that this is true. But online human interaction is all that some people have. And we should go out of our way to make everyone feel loved and needed, even if we don't know that circumstance about them.

I barely get in as much time I would like with my own wife and son. I doubt I have the capacity, much less the desire, to make everyone at ToTJO feel special. Also, only a handful of individuals here are in any way on the radar of note for me. Why should I pretend otherwise?

The sensation of potency is not the same as the possession of potency.-Darth Draconis

I refuse to blow smoke up peoples backsides to make them feel better.

Get better, that should be the goal, especially if the online world controls your emotional responses to such a degree.

As opposed to blaming members here, perhaps its best to admit that your not responsible enough yet to use the internet for such methods of communication. It cannot fill certain holes and emotional/psychological problems.

This attitude of superiority is exactly what we need to avoid. Don't take personal problems out on others, and don't join the temple if you don't plan to take its approach with an open heart. If you aren't willing to put in the effort, it brings down those who are.

I don't see this as a product of a superiority complex. This isn't a mental hospital folks, a lot of people come here with problems, real problems that we can't begin to address or fix, it's not the Temple's job. That may sound harsh, but think about it before jumping to conclusions before replying.

The focus of this site should not be coodling members with mental and social issues, it is a church and school, where individuals learn to become Jedi so they may take what they've learned here and apply in the real world. I see so many people coming here who are using the temple as their own voice box or trying to make the temple about their own personal problems and drama. That's not what the focus of this site should be. We are not shrinks.

The training is hard, some of the social interactions and situations can be difficult, this is designed to give you the tools to empower yourself and assist others in the world around you thus making your small part of the world a better place. If the Temple bends over and caters to the whim of every broken snowflake coming in, we are not doing them a service, and the temple grows weaker in attempts at making everyone feel important.

Concerning going in circles...

I don't think anyone is qualified to say "Okay we're done."

So long as there is interest and it doesn't get to...rude?...it will likely continue.

rugadd wrote: I don't think anyone is qualified to say "Okay we're done."

So long as there is interest and it doesn't get to...rude?...it will likely continue.

I didn't say it was done... I was just making an observation.

I apologize. I did not intend offense.

Let's keep it on topic guys, please...