Rants far and wide

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i hate doing two in a row, but holy s***, i do not have the energy for your bulls*** today. I am not responsible for your emotional well-being. take responsibility for yourself and stop draining all my energy.

that is sooo fcking frustrating!!

I'm do not believe in Jeedism, but I love being here to relax, and I really need to post on this topic today.

Sorry for the really rude words. If you want to answer, you can (even if it is said you can't), if you want to PM me, you can, if you want to hate me or love me, you can. Do everything you want.

I get sick of this shitty world, I get sick of this shitty country where people are always complaining when they have everything they want while others are struggling every day to obtain some water and food. I get sick of this fucking routine, of highschool, I just want to seize the moment, I just want to enjoy my life and my youth, I just want to enjoy time with my family and my friends. I don't want to work anymore, I don't want to enter in their fucking society. I'm sick of thinking about my future. I'm sick of being obliged to work everyday only to get a fucking grade on a shitty piece of paper. I'm sick of people who think they're the world center, they're perfect, when I wouldn't give a shit if they had to die tomorrow. I'm really fucking sick of this world where humans are less important than money or time. I'm sick of this system where you can't take one fucking week to visit your grandparents when you know they will die soon, when you know you won't be able to touch their skin, to hear their voice, to hear them breathing while they're embracing you, when you know you won't laugh with them anymore, when you know you won't see their faces anymore.
I don't want to become one of those hung-up adults who want to teach you manners, who want to teach you how to live, how to act, when they have forgotten to live, to love, to admire the beauty of nature, to take their time. I want to stay young, I'm afraid of becoming older, I'm afraid of forgetting to live. I'm afraid of forgetting my friends, their smiles, their laughs. I'm afraid of forgetting them. I'm afraid of forgetting what enjoying life means, I'm afraid of death, of losing someone I love. I'm afraid of our future, I'm afraid of wars, of pain, of illness. I'm afraid of losing my grandparents. If only I had some time to call them, to tell them how much I miss them.
I'd like to tell my friends how much I love them, how much they count to me, how much I'm afraid to lose them.
Now, I just want to laugh, to cry, to smile, to shout, to speak, to touch, to feel, to smell, to listen, to hear, to taste.
Well, I'm actually crying while I'm writing it... cause I'm afraid and lost, cause I'd like to choose my family and my friends rather than work, but I can't. I'm crying because I know I can't escape from this system, from this society. I'm so tired, I'm so weary.

I wish for once you would just put your flippin stubborn pride aside and accept the fact that no you cannot do everything you used to be able to, yes we can help and you still do quite a bit, and yes, you refusing to let us help is only causing you more (unnecessary) pain and tearing this family apart.... for frick's sake get over this godforsaken "I have to still be completely independent" attitude. And quit blaming US for the strife and fights your pride creates.

*draws her sword heroically*
*accidentally punches self in the eye while doing it*
*trips over her sword*

That'll teach em, Snowy.

I try to relax through my life's tensions. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. So is life. It's never easy.

Trying to take a mature, responsible attitude to my divorce, to establish some agreement with my ex and work together to reach an amicable solution. So, I arrange a meeting and we set out an action plan for what we're going to do.

A week later she's lawyered up and advising me to do the same... everything we discussed about avoiding a court battle, keeping things friendly and trying to find a solution which gives us both a chance at a clean break, just totally abandoned.

I'm trying to do the right thing and the choice becomes "screw or be screwed". And it shouldn't be like this.