Why monogamy is ridiculous

under 3 minutes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI

thoughts?

Makes a good point, unlike some of my friends who say things like, "Well animals aren't monogamous." I guess it depends on how much you are into sex really. I don't really think about monogamy, I think more about family and the person I am with is family. For example, my first real girlfriend is the one I met last year from Russia and I visited her for 2 months to meet her and it went good and then I came back and have been here for 6 months now. Very early to expect anything but as it is right now we are pretty much a team, we love each other, I'm part of her family and soon she will be a part of mine when she comes to the US.

We've talked about monogamy before, her idea is that she doesn't really want to have sex with someone unless they are seriously in love. She's had three boyfriends before me but only had sex with one and I guess the experience wasn't very special. I've had close sexual encounters before her but they were never something I truly wanted and so I never did. Sure I thought about sex if I get turned on by an amazingly beautiful woman, but after that initial instinct my mind comes in and thinks about ideas about relationship, if I would really want to be with her, is she the kind of woman who would really like me and take care of me like I would her.

For us I think our case is a little special. She's just not into guys from around here and I'm not into girls where I'm from. We come from such different backgrounds though in character we are very similar and even her mom and friends gawk at how in the world she could find someone so much like her, meaning we have similar personalities and interests. There's also how since we live in different countries we will be apart for months at a time which in a way could be a good thing since we get that time apart where we will get to think about everything and the first time apart we just really wanted to be back together.

I see a lot of very attractive women, you know what they say about Russian women (and Circassian which she is), sometime's I'll even tell her that I think so. We've told each other that we both can admire the beauty in someone else but we still know that since we are a team and like family that it's really not in our interest to think about just having sex with that other person. A friend of mine had somewhat of a silent agreement with his girlfriend that if she were out traveling by herself or with friends and just ran into a really cool, attractive guy and they happened to have sex it wouldn't be a big deal.

I think it's a personal choice for everyone and really does have to do with how sexual you are, some couples are open and swingers, some are very tight and don't need anyone else. I agree with what he says about sexual desires and needs and it's a shame to throw away a marriage or break up a family about it because that is what happens a lot. The ideas of perfect love and marriage are beat into the heads of many people so they expect the utmost perfecton from their partner. But I think a solid team makes a great family structure which is needed these days, but this ideal is a lot to live up to and a lot of work these days as well.

My best friend is gay and it's a whole different world because there's no aspect of a family or reproduction. Sure you have two dads or two mothers in some families but that's just not traditional and I don't necessarily judge it but it's plainly unnatural.

I think there is a HUGE point made when he states that idealizing monogamy actually hurts the relationship, because people begin to feel insecure whenever they feel sexual attraction for someone else. It's a similar phenomenon to being worried that you are "not really in love" because you don't feel butterflies in your stomach. It sets you up for failure from the start.

I've always felt that there is a tremendous difference between sexual fidelity and loyalty. Sexual fidelity is not sleeping with other people, but loyalty is being there emotionally, socially and financially for your significant other. As much as it would hurt my ego and my pride to know my wife has slept with someone else, it would not be nearly as devastating as finding out she wants to leave me, is in love with this other person, or is spending a big amount of time, energy or money with this person.

In Ecuador, it is sort of assumed that men will have lovers on the side. But it is a huge difference if it's some random one night stand than an ongoing affair, for example.

You know, what is upsetting is that there is no way to respond to this thread that isn't going to make me look like either an uptight prude or a slut. So... screw it.

I think he's hit the nail on the head. The person I'm with (and have been with for just under a year) and I have decided to try an experiment to just trust each other, period. And he has my blessing to go sleep with someone else as long as he's responsible, and I have his to do the same... and then we tell each other about everything, have a laugh about the embarrassing stuff and bad decisions, then move on. I don't own him. But I do want him to be happy. If that means letting my deathgrip go, cool. I don't actually want to feel like I owe someone an explanation every time I'm late to a phone call either. It absolutely does NOT mean we love each other any less.

And it's also kinda freaking awesome to hear his exploits when he has them, lol.

I do understand, however, that some people feel that monogamy is something they need. We're all different and I say go for it. Whatever makes you and your partner happy... just make sure you're being honest, is all I'm saying

I dunno about 'ridiculous', perhaps 'difficult' is more apt :lol:
It does have its benefits though - and its drawbacks
:pinch:
Each to their own, or their partners....

I personally would not take part in a polygamous relationship. I don't see that as me being insecure. On the contrary, I find a heightened sense of security while with the person I love, who I've been with for nearly 3 years now, and I simply don't feel the need or even the want to do things sexually with any other people. I'd be lying if I said I don't find other people attractive, but there's no part of me that says I want to pursue the people I find attractive. What would be the point? So that I can have an ultimately emotionally unsatisfying sexual experience while at the same time not doing something with the person I love? It seems like a losing strategy in my mind, especially when considering the complications of pregnancy, STDs (protection doesn't always work and people aren't always aware of the presence of an STD), and similar potential issues?

I see absolutely no positive aspect of polygamy. The only thing I could see coming from it is "I got off with a person I usually don't get off with", and that is absolutely meaningless to me.

Nothing is ridiculous if it works for you.

It certainly is entertaining when people try to explain complex human behavior in under three minutes...

OB1Shinobi wrote: under 3 minutes

^like most of my sexual encounters :laugh:

Jokes! Obviously... :blush:

I dunno, I get what he's saying but I'm a romantic, I like the idea of being monogamous, of two people saying 'sure, we may get urges, but we won't act on them because we care too much about each other'. I've been cheated on before and it's soul destroying. I don't really care if it's because I have unrealistic expectations or because it's unnatural, I care that it hurts when someone cheats on me.

Like wise, I have been in many positions where I have had the opportunity to cheat (and admittedly have even wanted to in some instances, desperately so at times), but I never have! I couldn't put my partner through that.

Well, that's my two pennies anyways

hiddeninthesnow wrote: Whatever makes you and your partner happy... just make sure you're being honest, is all I'm saying

I completely agree. It does not matter what theories or views you might have regarding relationships, as long as you are being honest and it is BOTH your decision (otherwise you are wasting your significant other's time by hijacking his/her decision) then, whatever works for you.

So, in theory, I might be attracted to someone else. In practice, I know my wife would hate it if I were to actually sleep with someone else, so I don't.