Playing in the Shadows

Exactly, Jestor.

Connor L. wrote: Exactly, Jestor.

You posting style has changed. I like it. Keep up the good effort.

I appreciate that you approve of my posting. I'm, of course, not doing this for approval. Rather, to reflect the new directions I'm trying to take with my path.

Connor L. wrote: I don't actually have a focus right now. I'm more in the exploring phase. But, I am learning to let off the hose a bit on the hedonistic lifestyle.

A lot of these problems are caused by my mental condition, by the way. ADHD. I'm untreated, and I think a lot of my problems are particular to my condition. I hope some of this is helping.

it wasnt helping, and wasnt really making sense and I couldnt for the life of me figure out why! but, as it turns out, I think I was asking the wrong question.


The other threads reminded me of the ASPD that you'd mentioned a couple weeks ago. And in the apology split thread you mention that there is a lack of capacity for empathy, which makes your replies a lot clearer now. For a moment I wondered what is the point of asking someone who doesnt have the capacity to study empathy, but there is obviously something to be gained from a theoretical understanding, even if that is the ability to understand and moderate ones own behaviour to take the concept of empathy into account.

but then, I guess that might bring up Rens argument about politeness being insincere :silly:

That or Ive not had nearly enough coffee this morning!!

No, you're exactly right. I do not have a natural sense of empathy. Either that, or I beat it out of me so much when I was younger that I don't have any natural sense left that I may have had in childhood.

This is due to two specific things:
1. I was bullied in middle school. So, I think I emotionally shut off my connections with people, leading to a sociopathic state of being.
2. ADHD has been shown to inhibit empathetic behaviors. And, as somebody who needs to show empathy for my duties as a Jedi, I have been learning how to incorporate behaviors that may help facilitate that which I lack.

Here's a source for that, btw, in case you were curious: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/986.html

makes sense, though if ASPD or CD depending on when your diagnosis was made is a factor then you wouldn't not have had much emotional connectivity to shut off in the first place I guess.

But I guess whatever the cause the outcome is much the same really. But the cause does potentially change what can be done about it longer term.


Edit - though now that im thinking about it, I would not have diagnosed CD or ASPD if you were that negatively affected by bullying.

I wouldn't have either. The key to understanding this is knowing what the causes of my lack of empathy were:

1. A combination of being bullied and cheated on during my early teen years led to a shut down of emotional capacity. I shut out the world in order to protect myself. Kind of a PTSD, in a way?

2. ADHD leads to behaviors that show lack of empathy. I chose to not medicate myself, thereby I am responsible for my behavior. I'm actually changing that and getting retested to see if I can go on medication again.

Oddly enough, Brenna. I know you will probably find this interesting. There are a lot of links between ADHD and weight loss. People who are on medication tend to lose weight. Not only because the stimulants are appetite suppressants, but also because decision-making processes are better healed and able to be controlled by the conscious mind.

It's interesting.