Definition of Christianity.

Read the whole post before attemting to cut me down with your verbal lightsabers. LOL Some of you may have seen this before, but I felt it holds some merit/educational value.

Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh
and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can
remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a Magical Tree.


Alright, first off, thats just funny, I mean really, if you can't find humor in this, your taking life too seriously.

Now in all seriousness if you take away all the Judgemental Sarcasm, this is a pretty accurate description of what Christians believe. It breaks down the core beliefs and removes all the stories and examples of why one should believe and strictly defines the beliefs themselves. When you look at it like this it really doesn't make sense though does it? I mean, I know faith plays its part, but that faith must be based on something somewhat tangible. When its really broken down, this doesn't seem very tangible, not even remotely, I wouldn't even attempt to get a child to believe with a break down like this, they'd likely look at me like I'm retarded. So of all the story books in the world, the Bible is likely the most translated and read of all. Why then with all the stories in the Bible do they criticise those who base their beliefs in some other story book? Though we have mentioned all over this site that most religions when broken down to their base beliefs are at the least similar, most of thier accompanying stories to back up and enhance thier particular beliefs are quite different. Some that make some sense and many that don't. Same as in the bible, so why do most Christians disregard others beliefs as satanistic, atheistic, or paganistic? Are they not all basing their beliefs in the same sort of medium (method of delivery from particular deity(ies))?

Ok, I keep re-reading this feeling like I'm leaving something unsaid that I want to say, but can't figure out what it is, so maybe some of your comments will re-trigger it in my mind, so I'll have to post it later I guess.

So this paragraph is a great example as to why I do not believe in any particular religion, I only wish I had a paragraph like this that broke down every religion, so we could have a discussion on all of them, unfortunately this is the only one I've found so far. So with that said, post your comments and thoughts, this should be a great passionate discussion.

Very interesting train of thought, my friend.

Christianity holds to the basic teaching that Christ is, \"the way, the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.\"
John 14:6
Those that hold to this as ultimate truth, believe everyone else is wrong. It gives or leaves no room for another option or choice. That is why most Christians disregard others beliefs as satanistic, atheistic, or paganistic. They believe there is only one way.

Dhagon Krayt wrote:

Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh
and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can
remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a Magical Tree.

Lol. I tried, but I just can`t resist. So I´ll add my comment.

There are just a few points which don`t seem to add up. This definition of Zombie...
\"A zombie is a reanimated human body devoid of consciousness.\"
-Wikepedia
...seems to sum up common thought and also what I considered a zombie to be. The thing is that Jesus Christ was fully conscious: He descended into hell for three days, spoke to individual with a precise purpose, even ate fish with disciples... . This someone far from being devoid of consciousness. Jesus Christ, after the resurection, epitemised the new Man, the second Adam, with the perfect body...; something far from a rotting body brought back to life.

As far as the symolically eating the flesh is concerned, this depends on what part of christianity you are from. Quackers, Protestants... do not practise this; Lutherans, Methodists... believe in symbolism of the bread and wine; Roman Catholics, some Anglicans... do not believe this as being symbolic, but believe IT IS the body and blood. So its not simple as it has been put.

According to Christian Faith people do not have telepathic communication with God...
\"apparent communication from one mind to another by extrasensory means\"
-Merriam-Webster`s medical Dictionary
... but have a deep sense of trust in prayer. Its not like they are having a telephone conversation. Very often believers hear nothing; they maybe only feel... . It is supposed to be an act of faith.

Just a few points....

Like most things in our society today, it has to be special, or its crap. Religion is no different than Taco Bell, McDonald's, or any other company, they need customers. The feeling of being a part of an exclusive thing is a powerful sales tool. In no way am I bashing christianity, I attend a baptist church at least once a month. Always the sermons are about the exclusivity of christianity, and warnings 'Believe in Christ, or BURN!' I like the time I spend there, it allows me time to bridge the Jediism beliefs, with my own.

I too have problems believing in the invisible man in the clouds who watches your every move.

Also, check out what 'The Book' has to say about it. That really opened my eyes to some things.

KieranHalcyon wrote:

Like most things in our society today, it has to be special, or its crap. Religion is no different than Taco Bell, McDonald's, or any other company, they need customers. The feeling of being a part of an exclusive thing is a powerful sales tool. In no way am I bashing christianity, I attend a baptist church at least once a month. Always the sermons are about the exclusivity of christianity, and warnings 'Believe in Christ, or BURN!' I like the time I spend there, it allows me time to bridge the Jediism beliefs, with my own.

I too have problems believing in the invisible man in the clouds who watches your every move.

Well, at this point we have to ask ourselves is Christianity what responsibles have made of Christ`s work or how millions of people respond to his call?

okay although all of you have good points to argue i think that this one hasn't been made. the bible is a book of parables- fairy tales if you like. not to be taken literally word for word but get the meaning and the moral and that should be the core beliefs and that is what most people teach on.
the problem i think you have Dhagon Krayt is you've run into uneducated people who don't understand this concept. i think we all have run into that problem. and these people paint a poor picture of any religion.
to compound the issue these uneducated people who think that all of it is word for word true prefer to ignore the fact the bible has been translated and re translated more times than I've changed my socks.

the point is Christianity is no more or less a nutty religion than most others. i think the irony is so many say \"we are the true religion\" and imply that all others are going to burn. they are all right but all way off- Christianity may be the true religion for john doe where for Jane doe paganism is the true religion and for me jediism is the true religion.

i think Dogma put it best \"it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you do\"

stevef wrote:

okay although all of you have good points to argue i think that this one hasn't been made. the bible is a book of parables- fairy tales if you like. not to be taken literally word for word but get the meaning and the moral and that should be the core beliefs and that is what most people teach on.
the problem i think you have Dhagon Krayt is you've run into uneducated people who don't understand this concept. i think we all have run into that problem. and these people paint a poor picture of any religion.
to compound the issue these uneducated people who think that all of it is word for word true prefer to ignore the fact the bible has been translated and re translated more times than I've changed my socks.

the point is Christianity is no more or less a nutty religion than most others. i think the irony is so many say \"we are the true religion\" and imply that all others are going to burn. they are all right but all way off- Christianity may be the true religion for john doe where for Jane doe paganism is the true religion and for me jediism is the true religion.

i think Dogma put it best \"it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you do\"

Most fundamentalists would highly disagree (including myself) and I've spent my whole life in Academia.

And I think the problem you'll find with alot of Christians is they have spent too much time focusing on only one aspect of their faith (the part that speaks about only being able to enter heaven through Christ) and not enough time on all the other teachings of Christ...

Not to judge others...

Loving your neighbor...

Approaching life with a Spirit of Holiness...(basically saying be nice, but if you want a more in depth description of this one all you have to do is ask as I love to Share the teachings of Jesus)


Whoever loves God must also love his brother
(1 John 4: 20-21). Therefore, I say to you all:

Feed the hungry.
Give drink to the thirsty.
Clothe the naked.

Shelter the homeless.
Visit the sick.
Visit the imprisoned.
Bury the dead.

Counsel the doubtful,
Forgive injuries,
Bear wrong patiently,
Pray for the living,
Pray for the dead.
.
Love your enemies; pray for those who persecute you; do good to those
who hate you. If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him
something to drink. Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good
(Rom. 12:17-21). Do not return evil for evil, or insult for insult. Return a
blessing instead.

Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger, harsh words, slander
and malice of every kind. In place of these, be kind to one another,
compassionate, and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you. Do
nothing to sadden the Holy Spirit with whom you will be sealed for your day
of redemption (Eph. 4:29-32).

Rather, encourage one another. Live in
harmony and peace with one another, and the God of love and peace will be
with you (2 Cor. 13:11). All of you should be like-minded, sympathetic, loving
toward one another, kindly disposed, and humble (1 Pet. 3:.


Let me ask you...does this sound like anything you know of? (hint)

~Chaplain,Br. Tom
Servant of the Servants of the Force

Although I can relate to what Stevef has said in a contextual sense, to describe someone through their expression of faith as being uneducated is recalling the very same intollerance that is not wanted. I certainly do not share this view, no matter how much I disagree with someone.

Since all religious sources (Bible, Koran, Bagad vita, Dharma...) cannot be empirically proved with 100% certainty, these could also be placed under the catagory of fairy tales. The Bibles with its myriad of stories has elements of Romance, Crime, Mystery, War, Thriller, Parables, Poetry... but never could this be classified under one title. There are also elements within the Bible which have been historically proven which give it a historical element. But above all this is a story and narrative of faith which has earned the right of being adressed as a holy book. Many people up to the present day have given their lives for this.

okay it looks like i may have upset some- i think what i was trying to say and what i said didn't mesh so well. i hate it when that happens...

un educated was a bad term and not the best fit for what i was trying to get across.

i'm refering to people who really think if you cut off somones hair you take away thier power or that women are made from a rib or that it was really a serpent telling Eve to eat fruit.

there are people (although maybe posessing a wall of degrees and have an IQ high enough to make stephen hawking look dumb) who would teach us that it all happened word for word. they are really doing a disservice. although the faith they have is impressive, they turn more people away trying to convince them that women are made of rib or what have you.

my prior post was actually a failed attempt to make a defense for the bible that it is a good thing. it has strong moral values and teches love and compassion. some people will take the fairy tale aspect and try to pawn it off as fact. that leads to the thought track that Dhagon Krayt had.

i'm sorry if i made you guys upset.

i'll leave you with still the best thing i've heard said on religion-
\"it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you do\"