Stretching Silence in Defense
So I have got a weird reading bug. I recently finished a book in a day and am on the heals of finishing another. Whenever I feel the temptation to get into some squabble over something, and I yearn for the participation in it, I always try to double down on training. I consider that if I can get that close to falling for it, there is an area of growth.
I read Rules for a Knight. A summary of which is here: https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2016/08/20-rules-knight-timeless-guide-1483/, The rules are still the
of unconscious mindset I am walking in right now. Now I am on to How to Win Friends and Influence People, a review of which is here: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2370171-how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people. Those two make an interesting mind soup, but it isn’t so much the books as it is the act of reading them, because they make a lot of things apparent. I had known these things before but they were bringing them to my remembrance. But the question becomes “why do these things have to be brought to my remembrance. Why can’t I live this out?” I think the disconnect comes from my own lack of practical application, so I am working to do that with what I have just read.
One of the things I struggle with is the need to “get in the mix” in whatever way, but its best if I am defending, someone, something, or myself. Boy am I excited about that. I never change any of the situations, I just stir the pot.
It occurs to me that I should have some considerations regarding responses in defense whether they be online or off, verbal or written. Using the temple as a model, it could be said that if I waited 5 minutes to respond in defense when I was an apprentice, I should take 10 when I am a knight, 20 when I am a Senior knight and 40 when I am a Master (these numbers are completely arbitrary). If I thought 100% of the hateful, biting, rude, etc, comments I heard or saw deemed a response when I was an apprentice, perhaps half do as a knight, 12% when I am a Senior Knight and only 5% when I am a Master.
I can just imagine how much crap could be avoided.
To give an example, today’s bus driver had a pretty biting and exasperating tone from the beginning of the ride. He almost no-showed me because of his own error in navigation. I ignored his huffs and puffs as I got on the bus and put my earphones on. Normally I would have responded with my own huffs and puffs, but what I have been reading primed me with the sort of awareness to know that if I did that, I wouldn’t change the situation. It would only succeed in making he and I angrier. I was pretty irritated because he was rude and he was pretty irritated because people had been waiting for me on the bus and they were already behind schedule. I listened to my music. I calmed down. When all the heat and bite had escaped through meditation, music, and mental role playing, and everyone had been dropped off but me, I took off my earphones. I asked him where he had been parked and told him that I would speak to the reservationist about the pick up point, but it was a pleasant conversation.
Its not a huge deal, but its progress, and it makes bigger deals easier to handle. Considering the other persons situation/point of view and sitting in silence is the only way I made it through that. Anyway, I hope this has been helpful
May the Force be With you All
-Ros
