People with trust issues often feel a need for control. This can sometimes manifest as mistrusting behavior. You might feel like you are being betrayed or taken advantage of if you don't have complete control over every situation. To a degree, everyone wants to control what happens to them. However, if a person needs to control every part of their routine, situation, or environment, they may have anxiety or a mental health condition. When someone tries to control or manipulate others, this can be a form of abuse and as Jedi we should not want that.
When we look at no. 11 of the 21 Maxims we notice that the only control that Jedi have to be worried about is Self control , nowhere it says anything about controlling others.
11. Self-Control - To control intention, the Jedi use The Force to tame the passions. In self-control lies the seed of freedom. We work to control our passions, lest someone exploit us through them.
What this means is that if you don't trust yourself , you cannot control yourself which then leads to wanting to control others to feel some kind of sense of safety. The willingness to open oneself to risk by engaging in a relationship with another party is then being perceived as dangerous to ones live or position at work or any other organization.
For example:
If I spend a lot of time regretting things I've done or decisions i've made, i don't trust myself. If you beat yourself up, if you think you're not doing good enough, or if you constantly feel like you've got under utilized potential then you don't trust yourself. Very often i write these sermons only to realize that a Jedis life is mainly one of self exploration and self trust and is less about trying to tell other Jedi what to do. The only control we really have is Self Control.
“We have to realise that underneath our desire to control there is always an unfulfilled, underlying need. The different control strategies might give you the perception that you are in control, yet, it doesn’t fulfill the underlying need. It is rather like putting a band-aid over a big, gaping wound. No matter how much you control, it will never be enough until you acknowledge the underlying need and what you really want. You might want to control people around you in order to feel safe. Or you might want to control to gain respect and admiration from your followers. Or maybe you want to satisfy an act of deep revenge as a result of being controlled yourself, thus flipping the coin but continuing the cycle.
Whatever the underlying need, control is always an overlay that avoids the pain beneath the surface. It can never satisfy. Whatever your unique need for control, it always boils down to one issue. We control because there’s a lack of trust. The less trust, the more a desire for control. It’s two parts of the same coin that can’t coincide. Either you trust, or you want to control.”
KATE DAMES
So how do you teach yourself to trust yourself and others again?
There is no easy answer to this , some people have been so wronged and mistreated they need the rest of their lives to work through past hurt. What is important for us Jedi and for every other human being is learning to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness for oneself and forgiveness towards others. Instead of controlling every part of your life and trying to control others, and discovering how to recognize red flags in yourself and others.
But , it's an ongoing process that never seems to end. Once you have control over one thing another thing begins to slip. Being mindful of what we can control and what not brings a more peaceful life and the older i get , the more i learn to let go and just let things and people be. Giving back to the Force that what makes me cling to control is a very freeing experience that i wish on all of you.
"The sooner we let go of holding on, the sooner we can hold on to the beauty of what's unfolding before us. Nothing was ever meant to stay the same forever."
— JULIEANNE O'CONNOR
