An old dog, yet new tricks

I am not the oldest, in fact I am probably in the middle band of age here skewing towards the younger side of things. But as far as a TOTJO Dog may go, I am one of the older ones. To give you all some context, I first joined the temple in 2012 under a different username. 12 years ago I was a very emotionally charged and driven individual who acted on impulse, I was short sighted, ill tempered and argumentative. I always felt the need to be right even when I was wrong and I knew it. I have left and returned to the temple so many times if I had a loyalty card for returning my stamps would be full.

But to skip to the point like an 8 year old whose discovered a jump rope for the first time. One thing I have realised is that TOTJO is right for everyone but not everyone is right for TOTJO. See, back in the day I wasn't right for TOTJO, I struggled a lot to conform to the ideals here. That's not to say I was wrong, or TOTJO was wrong. But I just wasn't right for TOTJO. I questioned the leadership way too much instead of trusting the process, and I argued against every teaching as if I was some wise owl who knew all when I knew nothing. You see, back then I thought I had the wisdom to deal with anything or weigh in on any discussion, but I do not and sometimes the whole picture being on display can cause more issues than not. We like to think we're wise rational people but that wisdom and rationality has to be built on trust. Because you may be perfectly rational and capable of a mature adult conversation listening to both sides. But it only takes one bad actor with a chip on their shoulder to spoil the bunch. There was an individual back in the day who I shall keep nameless, but he was a relatively vile individual with his mysognistic views and arrogance and there was no having a calm, adult, rational conversation with them. They simply wanted a fight. The phrase "if you argue with an idiot, then there's two idiots arguing" comes to mind. Like the horse, you can take it to the water but you can't make it drink.

The leadership here are not perfect, they make mistakes, the Temple is in my opinion very open to different ideologies. For me personally, I struggle to understand how you can believe in the force and another religion such as Paganism, Judaism, Christianity etc. But that is my thoughts on the matter, yet those Jedi are no less a Jedi than I am for my sole belief in the force. Why? Because a Jedi is not a fictional being, we are far from the movies. We are an ideal, a lifestyle. We do good and we act in a way of rationality and compassion because that is who we are. I find at the Temple, I have come to learn it is not about wielding a lightsabre and meditating in a forest that makes a Jedi, but instead the compassion we foster here, the sense of a loving, accepting community that does not hold unrealistic standards. TOTJO Jedi are not a brand of Jedi, but instead a foundational exercise to enable betterment of ones self.

My advice to anyone here would just be to trust those in charge, focus on your own path, and enjoy the ride. Because you will gain so much from this journey the more open to it you are.

I would put this in a journal normally, but I wanted to open this up to anyone else to weigh in their thoughts on what they think of Jediism and TOTJO as a whole. This isn't an opportunity to point out its flaws and try to bring the temple down or provide feedback, as that is done elsewhere...but instead to just engage on a healthy discussion of our ideologies and practices.

Thank you for this. I want to say that there is very much a time in my own Temple life when I thought I was the gift that came from the FORCE. Why didn't anyone else realize this? The truth is we begin with such a chip on our shoulder that it can take some time to figure things out. Too sure are those who become older. Some of us are born with it. My time here as rid me of a few initial ideas I had when I first joined. Many of the ideas I had are past. Some have come back around and there are others who have led the way rather than me. To rid oneself of oneself is often a goal of mine in my own path. This can come in many forms. It does usually come with ways that I am not prone to or used to. Living in the present moment keeps thing fresh. It is not easy, or everyone could do it. Taking the time to think and making time to think has given me quite a larger view of things, not only here at the Temple but in in my ordinary life as well.  I claim to be a Jedi. That is all. There are many people who come here with bags full of wisdom and knowledge and experience. An initial conflict can happen when we begin anything without a good understanding. It is not easy to walk this path. It takes much more time to understand it and then to reach out to others and hone things. Nothing we find in this Temple is overnight or even instant. I have learned this the hard way. Most things in life take time and take us time to grow with it. Thank you so much for taking the time to keep coming back and to keep thinking. I feel you on the old dog bit. As a old soldier, I have found the gardener in the warrior. It did not take a few reads and a quick shake of a magic wand and poof, it happened. Nope. It happened over time and over my own findings of conflicts and faults. 

It took me till now to realize where I am today. Today I am grateful and present. It does take time and to be quite honest, it does take a bit of getting mad and upset to see past it. This is a picture of how life can be. Thank you for your continued dedication to what we do here. 

I tell Alexandere all the time, what we do, this works. To those that are willing. Are you willing and able to take the time to understand what it is we do here? The truth is it does not come instantly and it will take time and it may even make you angry. Expect it. Do not stay there. There is so much more past that. 

One of the most amazing things I have found here on the Temple of the Jedi Order is our own words. There is a magic in our own reflections. I have a log of reflections from when I first began here. We all do. Your journal is a very key asset if you use it well enough. Take a class on journaling and see if your reflections are not a wee bit clearer. What we do here works. It is not instant. Nothing here is instant. If I ever wanted to be quoted on something said here, it would be this, Nothing in the Temple of the Jedi order ever happens instantly. It may seem that way at times but there is always time and effort behind things few see. Get to give. Give to get. There is a constant return that can happen. There is a connection we all share. There was a time I wanted to take this place apart and throw it to the cosmos. I am glad I took the time to understand the people and the connections we actually share. I am better for a place like this and the people in it. Thank you for being a part of it. Still. 

I consider myself something of an oldie too. I first came to TOTJO around 2010, though I've been in and out of Jedi forums since 2001.

I will second what you said, Resilience. In my experience, I've often found myself projecting my own insecurities and doubt onto my view of this place. As a matter of fact, that is one of the reasons I tend to "go dark" and dissapear for long stretches of time. But, I am honest enough to also admit the positive influence of this place, and the people I've met here, in getting to know myself better and overcoming challenges as I've moved from angsty depressed teenager, to wild young adult, to grounded father.

A huge hug to everyone here. I may still make my way back, who knows, when it is time.