Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts

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15 years 8 months ago #18332 by Br. John
Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts was created by Br. John
Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts

(SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA) A new company, Porn-Again Productions, is making sure that Christ's message reaches even people believed to be lost to Satan by less tenacious Christian Ministries. Started by a group of evangelical Christian entrepreneurs, Porn-Again began marketing slick, sexually explicit adult entertainment two years ago -- with a difference. In each film, whether the star is being gang-banged in a sling by godless, yet hung, Muslims or simply getting popped in the eye with a money-shot from a Watchtower-spanking Jehovah's Witness at her doorstep, she always takes whatever happens to be in her mouth out long enough to talk about the Good News that Jesus died on the cross for the masturbating viewers' sins.

Whether based on an Old Testament story (The Garden of Eating), the New Testament (The Sermon on Mounting) or other literary works (War and Piece of Ass), each feature has most of its dialogue lifted directly from the pages of the Bible. In fact, the Almighty received a \"Best Screenplay\" Lucite dildo trophy at last year's Adult Video Awards for the prurient things He wrote for the DVD release Bath She-Male & David. \"Some folks think that using the Lord's Word would make our movies more chaste than your run-of-the-mill gonzo porn flick,\" said Reverend (and stunt dick) Donald Doubledonger, \"but those are only people who don't know their bible.\"

Indeed, Porn Again just finished a film called Oh, Ho! based on the exploits of Oholibah in Ezekiel.


\"And she lusted after her lovers, whose penises were the size of donkeys and who came like horses!\" Ezekiel 23:20


\"Tell me that wasn't difficult to cast and still be true to God's Word,\" said director Brad Armstrong. \"I mean, the Lord can sure write some hot trash, but He don't think about the fact that we can't just make these people out of dirt or ribs like He can. We got to go out in alleyways and Catholic schools and find these freaks!\"
\"Our films are full of hot, nasty action,\" says founder Mr. Proofrock. \"And Spirit-filled proselytizing. Each film is sort of like a Chick Bible tract – only with real chicks. While a guy is boning the babe, she gets to read Matthew to him. We work in both Luke and Matthew in the double penetration shots – they make everyone feel good cause we're saving twice the souls, you know.\"

Baptist Pastor Kenny Johnson, who oversaw casting and all rehearsals for Porn-Again's Left in my Behind Part 4,573 (All Deaf Asian Amputees), said: \"As a Christian, I was truly sickened by what I have had to watch the last three weeks -- well, really, almost four, with reshoots I demanded of the water sports scenes between Jenna Jameson and Jill Kelly. You see, when it comes to the Lord's work, I'm sort of a perfectionist. Any time I'm making a gross-out scene, I ask myself, 'What would Jesus do?' Well, I'll tell you what He would do! He spent time with hookers, my friend. Don't tell me Mary Magdalene wasn't a freak for some hot girl-on-girl action. Am I so filled with earthly pride that I would consider myself better than Jesus? No, I must be willing to make the same sacrifices our Lord made to reach the unsaved. And Porn-Again is reaching thousands of lost men every week. You see, they start the tape addicted to porno, but by the end, many wipe themselves off and find that they are addicted to Jesus! Praise!\"

Christian film critic Harry Hardwick has praised Porn-Again for both its style and message. \"Anyone who has been to a Charismatic church and seen hideously overweight people writhing on the floor, moaning and screaming, 'Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!' Take me! God, I'm coming now!'\" says Mr. Hardwick, \"will enjoy seeing the same scene – only, this time, with folks that don't make you lose your lunch. After all, the line between sexual and spiritual ecstasy has always been a bit blurred. Indeed, I think Porn-Again's all-girl video based on Benini's Ecstasy of St. Theresa was riveting and brought clever new meaning to the phrase 'the staff of life.' And it certainly adds to the dramatic tension of each scene in The Res-Erection! when the woman won't let any man climax until he accepts Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior. If the Almighty had thought of such incentives, there would be a lot more people in Heaven right now, my friend.\"



See: http://BettyBowers.com
Founder of The Order

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15 years 8 months ago #18335 by
Replied by on topic Re:Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts
Sorry... but ROFLMFAO :D

Maybe the doorstep visitors would get a more 'receptive' audience if they went to these 'lengths' :D

MTFBWY - A

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15 years 8 months ago #18336 by
Replied by on topic Re:Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts
Wowzers....honestly, I dont know what to say

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15 years 8 months ago #18337 by
Replied by on topic Re:Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts
changed my mind, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is ingenious, if however strange

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15 years 8 months ago #18386 by Grom Fett
Replied by Grom Fett on topic Re:Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts
haha thats weird
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