How to ensure you stay stressed and miserable. A users guide.

NEVER EXERCISE - Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT - Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.

GAIN WEIGHT - Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS - The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES LIKE NLP - Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM - Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM - Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR - Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO - Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

BECOME A WORKAHOLIC - Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS - Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

PROCRASTINATE - Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL - Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, global warming, you know, all the big issues.

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS... and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them.

I wonder how many new people will see this and try to apply it. :silly:

Anything in particular bring this on?

Khaos wrote: I wonder how many new people will see this and try to apply it. :silly:

lololol


No Rickie, I saw it in something I was reading and it made me laugh. Which is why its in the humour section.

I CANT WAIT TO TAKE THIS HOME AND TRY IT!! :woohoo:

A silly attempt at counter-humour;

NEVER EXERCISE

I don't do the same thing twice, its too old fashioned. :sick:

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS - The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

Something needs to counter the downers I take.... :pinch: :woohoo: :pinch: :woohoo:

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM - Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

Avoided ever getting one!!! :huh:

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM - Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

Apparently I do this but I don't believe them.

PROCRASTINATE - Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

Don't do today what you can put off till tomorrow has been central to my self identity. :whistle:

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS

Said a perfectionist never.

I am so good at these already!

.... wait .... :side: :pinch: :dry:

:lol:

A protip would be to play a mmorpg for 6 hours a day as a free to play player and then watch as your hardwork is wiped away when highscores becomes members only. I was devastated... then I realised I didn't need recognition from anyone else other than me :v