I dont know if any of you follow God on Facebook but the person who runs it is hilarious!! https://www.facebook.com/TheGoodLordAbove?fref=nf
Todays Q and A with God
1. HUMAN: It’s tragic you had to take Maya Angelou from us…can you maybe throw us a bone and immortalize a couple of awesome people such as Morgan Freeman and Patrick Stewart?
GOD: I could, but I won’t. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with Patrick Stewart and discussing Star Trek. Morgan Freeman is so beloved that people will start worshipping him soon. I need to get him off the planet.
Don’t worry though! You’ll still have Keanu Reeves and Nick Cage. Those guys have been alive for thousands of years.
2. HUMAN: Can you help me find Jesus? .
GOD: That’s a great question…where is Jesus hiding today? Let Me just consult My Divine Planner…oh that’s right! He’s on the couch in the basement, watching History Channel like always. He was supposed to make an appearance on a malformed donut in Alabama but he cancelled at the last minute.
3. HUMAN: Do you ever jam with all the music legends up there in Heaven? What instrument do you play?
GOD: Oh, all the time! In general, I try to make sure the most talented musicians die as early as possible so I can get them to play Heaven Stadium. When I jam with a group (such as Hendrix, Cobain and Mozart) for some reason I’m always given a hand percussion instrument (such as a maraca or triangle).
4. HUMAN: Why wisdom teeth? Do they really make us any more wise? It hurts God.
GOD: Yes, they do! The beginning of wisdom is knowing that you know nothing. By losing a bunch of your teeth for no reason, this leaves you confused and in pain and thus much more wisdomey.
5. HUMAN: If Adolf Hitler had been accepted to art school in Austria, would World War 2 and the Holocaust still have happened?
GOD: There’s a parallel Universe where he WAS accepted into art school. He dropped out after a year and eventually started WWII there as well. Hitler’s famous for being an evil scumbag in any timeline.
6. HUMAN: Where is the love?
GOD: It was lost a few years back in a fire at a Black Eyed Peas concert. DAMN YOU, FERGIE!!!
7. HUMAN: Why can't we stop shooting each other?
GOD: There are some things even God will never understand. Humans shooting their fellow humans is one of them.
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Part of the seduction of most religions is the idea that if you just say the right things and believe really hard, your salvation will be at hand.
With Jediism. No one is coming to save you. You have to get off your ass and do it yourself - Me
