How Should I Feel About A Drinking Issue?

First off, it isn't I who has the drinking problem.

I live with my mother, who has been sober for 9 months now, and my grandfather, who has been sober for many, many years. This is my mothers second attempt at lifelong sobriety, her first run through lasted 20 years and she fell off the wagon maybe 3-4 years ago.

My grandfather began living with us maybe 2 months ago after 2 heart attacks and being diagnosed with ODP at the age of 80(ish). Just yesterday, I saw my grandfather had bought 2 Twisted Teas. My initial reaction was anger, though I said nothing, nor did I act upon it. I kept my feelings to myself until my mother brought it up today in the car on our way home.

I told her how it had angered me; Not because he had broken his sobriety, he is old enough to "wing it", as he is on his way out and he shouldn't have to remain bored in our house watching TV 24-7. He can do as he pleases. What angered me was my grandfathers knowledge of my mothers relapse and 2nd sobriety stage, and yet went out and made it public and available for the taking right there in the fridge.

My mother told me it was ok, that she is strong enough to not take it. She is adamant in her sobriety, and both her and I take that in good faith. Though it still irks me that my grandfather would do this. And yet, I myself have brought alcohol into the home, yet hid it from my mother (I told her this today). She told me it doesn't need to be hidden, as she has been to parties before during her first sobriety stage that had alcohol and wasn't tempted.

I know I should trust my feelings, but I have 2 conflicting feelings. Should I trust in my mothers strength, or should I put trust in how I am upset with my grandfathers choice? Should I bring up my feelings with my grandfather? If I did, would I sound hypocritical, as he knows I have brought alcohol into the house before?

Well, I suggest that you continue to support and believe in your mother as she is trying her hardest to maintain her sobriety and for your grandfather, voicing your concerns may be a way in which you can free yourself of trouble, yet this might lead to conflict and division if talks turn sour. The hypocritical side of the situation might further reinforce this idea that if you brought alcohol inton the house, your grandfather should have the same priviledge. Suggesting a compromise in which neither yourself nor your grandfather bring alcohol into the house will most certainly do more good than harm...so, whatever agreement you can think up should suit the situatuon accordingly. Other than that, you simply have to trust your mother and help her if she requires your aide.

After thinking long and hard about this, I have come up with a solution for your problem! I know you want to trust your mother's strength, but my mom is an alcoholic as well, and all it takes is one bad day + temptation to = relapse. So, my proposal is to find a small mini-fridge (like college students use at dorms) and put it in either your room, or your grandpa's room. This keeps you from having to feel guilty, and your grandpa from unintentionally bringing temptation into the fold.

I also wouldn't bring this up to your grandpa, until you've procured the mini-fridge. After introducing the solution, he'll most likely agree it's in your mother's best interest.

Hope this helps!!!

Seeings how alcohol is a diaretic, it is actually not a good thing for your grandfather to be starting up with this late in life. As we grow older the space between the brain and the cranium widens due to dehydration and other effects. To introduce alcohol can exaserbate the effects and cause demensia like reactions. This in turn will cause an increase in the stress your mother will endour as she tries to care for your grandfather.

My suggestion is to get the facts on the effects of alcohol into your grandfathers hands along with a kind and gentle plea from you to obstain for your mothers sake.

It is a tough path in your journey, but you can accomplish anything you believe in. MTFBWY

Give your Mom the credit she deserves, she is being very brave! I suppose it can't hurt to quietly point out to your Grandfather that having alcohol in the house could have a direct affect on your mother maintaining her sobriety. But in the end they are both grown ups and if your Mom has a problem with it she has to say something ,and your Grandfather will have to respect that and if not then you can get more involved and have your Mom's back.
I can tell you are worried for your Mom...but she doesn't seem to be...so wait ...and (easy to say) don't worry until you need to.
As for you bringing alcohol into the house...?????

Phortis,
you might know about this, and I hate to take attention away from BurnAsEmbers situation, but how does alcohol affet someone who is already suffering dementia/alziemers?

Yeah, that might have been inconsiderate on your grandpa's part, but your mom is an adult and should be responsible for herself. It apparently didn't affect her. And two Twisted Teas is not really what I call serious drinking, as it's not enough to get most people drunk.

being a alcoholic is like any ohter addiction it can be treated just takes time and the person has to want to stopp drinking