Sex Talk and Q & A

Trisskar wrote: "If he releases his seed on your leg it will still crawl up inside of you and make you pregnant!"

That would both scare and intrigue me at the same time. Scare me because who wants things crawling into unsuspecting orifices? Intrigued because I'd want to study it and see if it actually happens. lol

My biggest fear when starting out was that I'd get AIDS from even touching mine to hers. My imagination was pretty weird as a teen.

**EDIT** - My imagination is still weird, now that I think about it.

Trisskar wrote:
Exactly. I remember my parents would control the kind of movies I watched right up into my early teen years. Even kissing was a no no. At movie theaters mom would reach over and cover our eyes "Ew! Yucky! Don't watch!" she would say. I was taught from the very beggining about how dirty and wrong it was and that I would go to hell if I had sex before marriage.

When I got into highschool and started showing signs of attraction to others that I couldn't explain or identify. My parents kept it hushed and taught me nothing about it right up until they worried about being too late. At which case I was given every scare lesson available. "If he releases his seed on your leg it will still crawl up inside of you and make you pregnant!" Found out years later that it wasn't true.....in my twenties.

That kind of thing....sticks. It terrifies you.

Luckily I found a partner that showed me another way (which is how I became involved in Sex Ed forums and Studies To learn not to be afraid.)

That kind of attitude toward sex and sex education makes me cringe... Your parents were doing you no favors, that's for sure. I wish fewer adults had this approach to educating their children about sex, it can be very damaging. Sex should not be looked on with shame and condemnation but with respect and honesty. There are ways to teach about these things without scarring your child for years or possibly for life.

My biggest fear when starting out was that I'd get AIDS from even touching mine to hers. My imagination was pretty weird as a teen.

Yes. AIDS was part of the "Fear Talks" haha

Your parents were doing you no favors

No. They weren't. However if we look at this from a purely logical perspective rather than judgmental we will find that this sort of behavior and fear towards sex was a VERY Common place thing back in their days and even more so when they were kids. Part of the culture and religion.

Which is my point.

Males and Females often don't talk about sex. To eachother. Or otherwise because of these upbringings. The fear of being caught talking about and doing something so dirty and so taboo.....makes it hard to be open to eachother no matter how much love is found between them.

There are ways to teach about these things without scarring your child for years or possibly for life.

Which is why us younger generations must take positive steps to teach our children better ways And thus, hopefully, improving communication between partners more positive and productive.

Sex is a very intimate thing that is related to the way we use both body and mind in a very personal manner. People who are open about sex (all aspects of it) tend to have better sexual experiences (from what I have heard). It's natural, but its not as natural as peeing (if we are talking about pleasure), it's more like riding a bike. However, I think that some of us think it is like peeing. That we are going to know what to do, how and for how long, so we also don't talk about it because we think we know what we are doing

Rosalyn J wrote: Sex is a very intimate thing that is related to the way we use both body and mind in a very personal manner. People who are open about sex (all aspects of it) tend to have better sexual experiences

Depends on your preferences, I guess. I think being able to openly talk about your personal preferences, no matter how "abnormal" or "normal" they may be, with your partner(s) signifies that a certain threshold of trust (or frustration, in some cases) has been reached. In any case, trusting your partner with your most personal secrets is a huge deal. But it's a step that should be taken by everyone at some time. In my opinion, it's necessary for a healthy relationship and a healthy attitude towards one's own body that the partner knows what gives you pleasure and what doesn't. The problem is that while this likely will improve both partners' sex lives, it might also end partnerships in rare cases. Some people are sexually frustrated to a degree that this talk can become a make or break situation for a partnership. I believe it's better to not let it come so far.

Cyan Sarden wrote: The problem is that while this likely will improve both partners' sex lives, it might also end partnerships in rare cases. Some people are sexually frustrated to a degree that this talk can become a make or break situation for a partnership. I believe it's better to not let it come so far.

It depends on how it falls however. Sometimes the break of a partnership isn't a bad thing and is, in fact, healthy for you both. Trying to keep an unhealthy relationship together because "Married" or "Together" is not healthy at all. Better to part on good terms than bad. And that won't happen if there is no communication. In fact...The longer it builds the worse it will be. And sometimes. People change. What once worked before may not work later down the road. Life is never about one constant. And that is ok as long as you remain open in communication and agree on positive grounds the methods and outcomes.

already so much good and it just started... :whistle:

most of the responses are correct, social stigma stemming from puritanical religious influence on society, a lack of comfort or confidence, a lack of knowledge.

growing up my mom was an "exotic dancer", or "stripper" if you prefer...so that's what i grew up around, marital aids and sexual discussions. she also did not force religion on us, allowing us to explore and choose for ourselves so we were spared the damaging effects that religion can have. because sex wasn't a "taboo" my family is much more open about the subject...but because i was untrusting of others, and a bit shy, there were aspects of it that were "taboo" to me because i felt uncomfortable discussing them.

once i studied human sexuality in college my lack of comfort vanished, and i learned how to discuss sexual matters in a mature and (somewhat) dignified manner.

a little education goes a long way....

developing a healthy attitude and approach to the subject is key to breaking down the barriers between the sexes opening the door for discussion.

”anonymous” wrote: Why don’t men and women talk to each other about sex?

My thought is that it is one of many things:

1. Gender roles create a false dichotomy which creates a chasm.
2. We are not taught how to talk about sex with others except within the gendered performance of roles.
3. Western colonized regions are indoctrinated with a lot of shame, guilt, and fear on the subject of sex.
4. (American) sex education is so poor that we don't know how to talk about sex.

It's funny.. because I've always had the experience the men and women do talk about sex; even though I went to an all girls school, boys and girls I knew always talked about it.. and men and women I know now do. Perhaps it is a generational thing that men and women don't talk about it.

I can only speak for myself here, but in my past experience its a difficult conversation to have. Especially because its a subject that invokes our self of self worth and often "social" value too. Sometimes a conversation is taken as a "what youre doing isnt good enough for me" which can be a massive blow to a potentially vulnerable area, if you'll pardon the pun.= :laugh:

Theres a reason why women's magazines are littered with advice on how to ask your man for what you really need without making it awkward.

But then, even that isnt a conversation I've ever had. Do men mind being given a little direction?