Like the Phoenix...

Some of what you say is quite true, especially in regards to depression, as I have seen people and indeed myself overcame it before but I have some issues that I did not expose in full due to sensitivity. I will have to do so I guess though, so I will try to put it in a spoiler like you have done. Basically the core of it is some of the disabilities are like muscle memory, they are burned into the brain and even when you are trying to sleep (i.e. I'm writing at 5am because I already woke up twice from nightmares)... there are ways to overcome some of this with medication but I feel at times the medicine that my doctors want to give me (they say) is restricted in the US due to political policy in favor or Big Pharma.

I've made my mistakes in life and I try to overcome them, but I am somewhat a man stuck in a few moments in my life. I have guilt for what I did as a military man and a profound sense of abandonment from that same life as well as my wife leaving me because she could not deal with having a disabled husband.


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Now like what you said, Den385, there may be a way to overcome the mental aspect. I need to focus on the physical aspect at the moment though because of the extent of my body injuries being what they are I have a hard time not getting pains similar in area to where I got them after resting for more then a few hours. This leads to further flash memories coming back that terrorize my sleep EVERY night. I want to work on my spiritual/mental temple but that is much harder than the physical and I am hopping to approach both.

I wrote this a while back, maybe you will find the inspiration in it like I do:

Like a Phoenix, I will rise;
Like an Eagle, I will fly;
Like a Legend, I will never die!

Stay strong, and hit me up if you ever just need someone to listen. There are plenty of us veterans here that are more than happy just to listen and be a friend!

Update:

Started a 9 week, meet once per week, health and fitness introduction peer support group for disabled combat veterans in my area as sponsored by a government agency called the Veteran's Affairs. First meeting was this monday.

Just a note, as planned everything is in order. On the 18th I go to a Disabled Veteran's health and life coach who is also going to sign me up for Tele-health, a relatively new program through the Department of Veteran's Affairs that educates and proves the hardware/resources to check your health from your blood pressure to your weight, from home daily to input it into a system that can be tracked by your chosen coach.

All of this is largely done online so I have no excuse and in addition to this the coach I am seeing has a doctorate in health and fitness, including diet. I'm sure she has some fancy title, she certainly had a lot of diplomas. Anyways my wife is going with me and we are enacting on this together. The entire house is being changed to make space and things are in motion for a daily approach to changing from being a recluse who suffers alone to being an active participant in life.

Update:
I have been getting progressively ill and about two weeks ago developed an abscess but like most men I just ignored an obvious sign of issues and it spread ...... then it burst by ripping through my abdomen. Now I'm down for a week or two with a abdominal infections which has given me a secondary infection to my urinary tract and prostate. Not fun stuff, I promise. I finally got care after painting the bathroom floor red.... and I'm already improving a day after the medicine is in my system. Still exhausted but it is now a road to recovery.

The infection came from working out I'm told. Not to discourage work out, but when you are overweight your thighs rub together and you need to watch for chafing and ingrown hairs. I must have scratched it or got some tenacious bacteria into the surface wound which turned into a minor infection. Instead of tending to it properly and/or taking a break to let it heal, I pushed forward and ... well the rest is history. Even if this gets better quick, I will forever have two ugly purple scars ... one on my leg and one on my belly from where my lower abdomen ripped open.

I'm under professional care now, and my wife is... well.... insistent on my bed rest. Sorry for not updating, to be honest I have been feverish for almost a month and I have been pushing through it thinking it was just my body playing tricks on me to force me to be lazy....

Not quitting, resting and going to get back at it when doctor clears me. Its a life change, not a diet.

Check out the TOTJO accountability group on MyFitnessPal and Skype.

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look into wearing some underarmor pants, or other sheer fabric....something that holds tight in place and glides across itself...friction is the enemy....also it sounds odd, but use desitin (diaper rash ointment), it works wonders....when working as a carpenter in the florida summer i was prone to heat rashes and ingrown hairs in that particular region....desitin became my best friend...

edit: we used to wear spandex shorts for football practice...back then i thought it looked a bit girly for guys to be wearing spandex...but then the advantages became apparent rather quickly...

Steadily been losing weight, with my abdomen ripped open and my tendon not healing well from ripping off my knee back in October, I am limited to almost 0% physical activity when taking into account my military injuries. That said I have been reforming my diet and have steadily lost 16lbs. I have a weight loss goal of 25lbs within the next 3 months. If I accomplish that then I qualify for stomach reduction surgery.

I know stomach reduction surgery is frowned upon, but I am as of right now 403lbs and have sustained five different injuries since last October and I need to be realistic about my goals. My major issue to getting my weight down is that my stomach is larger then a normal person's and distended due to past injuries, making me feel perpetually hungry. Stomach surgery for me is stapling it halfway closed to keep the hunger down but also the recovery light. I have terrible scaring due to shrapnel and where I had a machine installed in my upper abdomen/chest for awhile long ago.

So my goals are on target for getting stomach surgery. I need to lose 25lbs to show I can make efforts to break the mental dependency upon poor quality foods. Being bipolar gives me a higher tendency to break that addiction. Lately I have been changing my food addiction to seltzer water addiction.... as shifting addictions to better choices is soooooo much easier then quitting flat out, almost impossible for me to quit.

Just an update.

Update:

I have lost over 20lbs and have recovered from most of my injuries. I am still physically limited but I work out in the pool on a regular basis.

That said I have been tackling my PTSD and other issues with meditation, exercises in the pool, and counseling. I did not quite lose enough within 6 months to qualify for weight reduction surgery but I was within 5 lbs of that goal. Despite not reaching that goal I have decided to continue to eat better and focus on a more positive life.

Johnathon I would just like to say that you are an amazing and inspiring person. Anyone else would've given up but you not only keep going but go for more than expected of you too! If there is any way I can help, or anything I can do, let me know, I am more than happy to help!
May the Force be with you friend