“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
― Albert Camus
We come to this world. We choose. We pay the price. We become.
I was just a kid. I chose honor. I chose the path of a hero. I chose the path of a knight...
Aim for the stars - and face the dark abyss between them.
You call yourself what?
- You are a joke.
- See him? Crazy. What a schizo.
- You are not welcome. No need. Get out.
- An outcast, not fit for life, useless...
- .. A pathetic dreamer. Escapist.
- Unviable. Drag.
- Outsider. Nameless. Reject.
- Ah, that beggar? You saw his house?..
- He's got no car, his flat is rental. Look at how he dresses. Won't envy his girlfriend.
- What a loser...
Meet the dark. Stare at it for a bit too long and it will meet your glance.
No catcher in this rye and the abyss goes all the way down to hell.
Turn back. Abandon your path. Run. How much do you cost?
I named the wrong price for my dream. Less than infinite.
And then I let the darkness in.
And then I knew that a person can only be broken from the inside.
And so, I was no more.
Emptiness.
Darkness.
Silence.
Cold.
*
Hear the echo of a pulse.
*
Almost unhearable, at the edge of the hearing range, there is a heart beating.
*
Almost invisible, there is a little star on the verge of what a human can see.
*
Almost untouchable, there is a little hard core of steel on the edge of tactile field.
*
Almost dead, there is a little spark of warm in the nucleus.
*
Eternity of time passes in near-complete silence and darkness, empty and cold.
*
And then...
BANG!
Out of the pulse- the roaring thunder!
Out of the glimpse - the supernova!
Out of the spark - the meteor!
Out of the core - the star!
Rebirth, the rising of a phoenix, the myth and the truth.
Out of a tiny ripple of light, of love, of life - the whole structure of a soul is built again. Through the hardships - spine and bones. Through the dumbness - ears and eyes and fingers and taste and smell. Through the loneliness - nerves connecting the islands of the inner world. Through the weight of work - muscles of soul. Through encounters with kinds of nutriments and toxicity - the organs. After the cuts of everyday aggression and predators - the rough skin starts to grow.
But the heart - it was there all along. Almost fully it gave in to despair. Almost fully it was submerged by the dark. And yet - it did keep beating - out of stubbornness.
And - out of Hope. There is a saying in Russia - "Hope dies last". As long as it lives, the heart beats. As long as the heart beats, it lives. Hope is Phoenix.
Once again… Meet the dark. Stare at it for a bit too long and it will meet your glance. Then, smile.
Fear of the dark is just a temporary failure to kindle. If the fire dies for a while, it's just a sign that it is burning.
Go onward and fear nothing. Ignite the blade of your valiance. Your light is infinite.
There is no Death. There is the Force.
May it guide us.
