Help

So much has been on my mind lately. Mostly, girls. My head is a mess of regret, remorse, anger, hatred, fear and love. Perhaps not even that any more. I have tried to focus on the five core precepts: Peace, Knowledge, Serenity, Harmony and the Force. But all I can seem to focus on is girls. There's three. They pop into my head and I feel like I love them. There's my incredibly intelligent classmate, Saki, who always corrects me when I'm wrong and I love it, but I feel too stupid forger. Then there's Molly, my senior by two years, who is one of the best friends I have, we hold hands, but I'm afraid to tell her that I like her in case I ruin our friendship. I'm not willing to take that risk. And finally, there's the girl, Emily-Jane, my first kiss who I made a massive fuss about who turned out to be a slot. I love her, hate her, want her now more than ever, but I don't know what to do. Please, somebody, anybody, gimme a hand, I don't know what to do. Emotion, yet Peace ?? I'm struggling with that. Walk in the light, friends, and may the Force be with you.

Firstly, please stop referring to a girl as a "slut" for kissing someone else. It's really weak to insult someone, somewhere they can't defend themselves, and people are allowed to figure out their own approach to romance/sexuality without such judgemental comments. Someone who's not your partner, who kisses someone else, isn't automatically a "slut". If you want help with this, maybe reflect on what it says about your approach here that when she showed interest in someone else, you insulted her multiple times behind her back to people she doesn't know - whilst talking about three different girls yourself.

You are going through something many of us will relate to from our own experiences. If I claimed to have an answer for you, it would be a lie - it is a necessary life stage which hits some of us harder than others. One thing you can do, however, is to read through our code, creed and doctrine for things which strike a chord with you. For example, you say you're afraid to speak to a girl you like about it. Our teachings and maxims speak many times of courage and fearlessness.

They also speak of integrity and honour. Perhaps you owe it to all three of the people you have feelings for to figure those feelings out, to come to some conclusion about where your heart really lies, before pursuing romantic involvement with any of them.

I wish you luck with it - this stuff never becomes easy.

Thanks

On the name calling subject, I like to be like James Bond, or some other cool person, who remains cool under pressure...

Usually, Bonds cool demeanor, and cracking jokes in the face of death made the evil villain lose his cool, thus Bond 'winning' the conversation....

On the subject of the girls, tzb is right, its a road you it will walk alone (in that no one can walk it for you, or with your feelings/understandings), but know that we have all been there, will be there, or are there...

Love is tough...

Like every other aspect of life, you just have to plow through...

If I knew now, what I knew then, my 45 year old self would tell my teen-age self to grow some balls, and just talk to them about it...

It resolves the conflict inside me, either they thing its great and I move to the next stage, or they dont, and still , I move to the next stage... Either way, its moving on...

When I was younger, I was not so in-your-face... As I age, I can see how I might-should-have acted/responded (in all sorts of situations) and will apply that to any similar situations, should they arise...

You (hopefully) will make the best decision you are able, instead of sitting in limbo, allowing the situation to decide you...

Good Luck...

To be young again....lol. Being a Jedi, you should probably not call a girl a slut for any reason, least of all kissing another. You need to ask yourself what you really want, friends with benifits, or something more substantial in the long run. Don't feel guilty for wanting one over the other, but make that determination and approach the situation with as much respect as you and the other deserves...

As has been mentioned previously, only YOU can decide whats right for YOU.

However, I can offer you my advice.

When it comes to matters of a difficult nature, particularly those of the heart, I always ask myself the same question:

If someone told me that I only had 24 hours to live, what would I do?

That thought alone usually removes any fear of potential embarrassment from my mind. And in cases where there is an array of actions/people to decide about, more often than not, it also helps me realise which is the most important to me.

I would also echo tzb's remarks regarding name calling. I know you Silas, you're better than that

Good luck

What has been helpful for me is the understand the difference between love and attraction/infatuation.

Real love comes from cooperation, understanding, compromise, shared life goals, common experiences, physical and psychological intimacy, and shared core values. It is slow to develop and takes time and effort to reach, but it endures. It beings a feeling of peace and contentment.

Attraction (and its more passionate form, infatuation) is superficial - as in, based on only a select few physical or psychological traits, fleeting, intense, often happens instantly, requires no effort, blind to faults, requires no commitment, and absolutely chaotic. It puts you on an emotional rollercoaster, from blinding highs to abject lows.

Now, love can develop from attraction, of course. But do not make the mistake of thinking that attraction or infatuation is love. I've been infatuated, and it's painful, but knowing that it was just infatuation halved my pain. Thinking that such feelings are love just serves to add false expectation, causing more heartache.

And also, try not to obsess over girls, and call them sluts while simultaneously lusting passionately after them. It gives me a slightly uncomfortable "Elliot Roger" vibe. This is a very personal and instinctual opinion, from a woman's perspective.

With the evident exception of the name calling, it does sound like you're considering some important things though ...

Like Leah said, there has to be some time involved ; if one doesn't know the person, one only loves an image. This is the great deception of the 20th century, our 'love' has become a consumer item for which we shop in about the same way as shopping for a (hopefully not too) used car ... We hope to meet someone (implying that we can't know her/him already) with whom we can enter into some desired arrangement. This is also why couples fall apart in short order : the other person turns out being just another quirky human-being instead of wonderful.

It is prudent, when considering a partner, not to focus on how much one loves all her/his positive qualities, but how well one can get on with the negative ones. As it were, in a good partnership, a positive quality can emerge from the couple where the character defects of the two involved bump up against one another. It's a peculiar paradox, but nonetheless a convivial one ...

Seems like you have at least 3 options , one that you already kissed aswell, so there is a lot to consider , and yeah dont call her a slut , that is way over the top for a girl who is just testing the water , take your time, there is no rush , ...i heard

I know this will be of little comfort to you right now, but know that these feelings, too, will pass. Others will come along.

I was madly in love with the same girl from age 14 to 20. She was my first kiss and my first sexual partner. We lived together for a few years as well. I pictured a marriage, house and children with her.

Long story short, she's not the person I'm married to today. I was devastated when it didn't work out until I met the person I am much better suited to be with. She found her better half as well. It worked out better for both of us, and now we are friends again. I will never regret the time I spent with her, but looking back on it, we were not meant to spend our whole lives together, just those few precious years of learning and growing up.