Church of the Holy Processor

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?

A: He did it in six days and nights while living on energy drinks and corn chips. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him for some jock named Adam.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?

A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to read the logs and find a quick solution which circumvents the normal system parameters. Other than that, things can wait until the next day, when he gets in and can review the code.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?

A: That was the development phase of the project. Now we're in the maintenance phase.

Q: Who is Satan?

A: S.A.T.A.N. is the System Administrators' Tool for Analyzing Networks, and it's what the MIS director uses to monitor all of the network traffic. It's evil.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?

A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revisions. As it turns out, without evil the whole system crashes because of the MIS director's lack of competency in setting up security parameters, so evil just stays put until something can be done about it. But in the final days of the project, God did say something about actually wiping out the MIS director's computer, and keeping the coders which are actually faithful to the project while firing the rest.

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?

A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday. Keep your virus checker updated. And don't install anything which isn't mandated by policy.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?

A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program. And be patient: deadlines are nobody's friends.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?

A: They are much more likely to receive email, but the problem is that God uses text much more often than voice. One guy I know got a phone call when he did something particularly effective. But actually hearing the voice of God, we just don't have the bandwidth for that any more.

I hope that when I meet Life's Great Computer, I can be told that though I'm spindled and mutilated, I didn't fold.

so does that make microsoft good or evil?
The worst part is when your life flashes before your eyes and it keeps saying \"Buffering\"...

:laugh: all we need now are the little glowy disks and we can play tron

SteveF: Worse, when it flashes before our eyes and it says: \"404\"

RyuJin: Would that be the new Tron bomb?

Okay... Microsoft is the Great City in the Book of Revelations, guided by the Whore of Babylon.

People complain about Microsoft, but how they will be sorry to see it go! (Especially if they have no experience with Linux and are stuck with Linux without a clue on how to use a CLI.)

lol
yeah I mock microsoft but here I am using Vista aka \"The pale horse and the name that sat upon him was vista\".

If Linux ever had a serious team of user interface researchers, it might actually compete... that's the only real place that it's lacking, is that the interface is just not as easily navigated... thus, CEO's and power-brokering business people who need to do things quickly without the need for a lot of training are going to demand M$ for everyone below them. I tried to work on the GNOME project for a while as an interface designer, but every suggestion I made seemed to break some standard or other that they wanted to conform to... yet when I look at something like XFCE or KDE, they are a lot closer to it than GNOME is. It's almost as though nothing is completely finished... ever. And by \"finished\" I mean \"slick enough to compete\".

I mean... I like OpenOffice and all, but that slick M$ Office interface is just easy to learn!

Windows 7 = Dark Horse?

Linux: the power of ADD at your fingertips!

MS is here to stay. It's likely not even the interface anymore. Gnome and KDE are close enough to get by with these days.

The big reason - MS has 85% of the market. Any major software will be made for that, then ported over to linux at some later date. That's just good business. If you are going to spend millions making something big, you are going to aim at the 85% first.

MTFBWY

There is nothing wrong with microsoft stuff...

When it works properly

There is a joke about bill gates - may as well post it here...

One day - Bill gates dies (its gonna happen one day)

On arrival tot he pearly gates of heaven - he is told due tot he untold misery his OS has caused (and crashed heavens network) he wont be allowed into heaven and is destined to hell.

So Bill is sent down the chute and finds himself at the doors of hell - where Satan greets him personally (an unusual event)

Satan says to Bill 'As you are a distinguished resident - I have personally decided to let you choose how you will spend eternity here with us - I will show you three rooms, but one at a time and you must decide at each door if that is the room for you before I show you the next'

Bill is still upset about being cast to hell but is resigned to his fate and shrugs his shoulders as if to say 'whatever'

Satan Unlocks the first door and as it opens, there is an awful stench of manure - ans as the door opens, the steam and smell comes flooding out - inside is a large room with benches all round the sides, and sat on them are thousands of sinners all drinking tea all the while they are knee deep in the hot steaming pile. Satan turns to Bill and asks 'Is this the room for you?' and Bill replies 'No thank you - I don't like tea'

Satan slams the door and locks it again - then shouts 'tea break over sinners, back on your heads' - Satan then guides Bill to room number 2 - unlocks the door and tells Bill to have a look inside. There are thousands of sinners all chained to the walls n ceiling - and they are being hand fed cups of coffee and other items by beautiful she devils - Again Satan asks Bill 'Is this the room for you?' and Bill says 'No thanks - I dont like being bound'.

Satan slams the door shut and relocks it then shouts 'Break over sinners, relight the furnaces' - upon which was the sound of flames and screaming tortured souls. Satan guides Bill to room 3 and says 'Bill - whatever is in this room, is your eternity, you understand this dont you?' and Bill nods.

Satan opens the door ans shows Bill inside. Bill is pleasantly surprised to find a 'normal' looking office type room, with a desk, chair, table lamp and a computer. Bill asks quite excitedly 'what operating system does this have?' and satan replies 'Windows of course - its even fully connected tot he internet and has every application ever written for windows'

Bill thinks heaven isnt such a big deal and rushes over and sits at the desk. Satan then slams the door shut and walks back to his office with big grin on his face. One of satans 'helpers' rushes up (bowing and grovelling) and asks 'master - why is Bill gates getting such and easy ride? Why did he get the special room? whats going to happen in there?

Satan now very pleased with himself leans back in his big cosy chair and replies quite calmly 'Nothing is going to happen in there - there are no tea breaks or any surprises except for one'

'Oh Master - you must tell what you have planned' is the reply - Satan then now laughing say 'I took the CTRL, ALT and DEL keys off the keyboard before I locked Bill inside'