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Buckets
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So I've been putting in some research into pain, to understand my own.

One thing I've learnt is that it is non comparable. No-one else will be the same, really. Patient groups are great, but I should treat them with caution. I try not to look at people in similar situations to compare myself with them because it actually makes me lazy. It makes me feel as though I've done my job of listening to and understanding my pain. As we learnt today, that loss of a Myelin sheath might actually be new tumour - It's really important that we are able to listen to ourselves, to play out part in our battles. I was a terrible listener, and developed a permanent right eye tunnel vision before I woke up to the fact I was pushing myself too far... we are non comparable.

Another thing I've learnt about pain, is that it is like a slow "drip, drip, drip, drip..." into a bucket. Twinge... drip... headache... drip... poor hydration... drip... stress... drip... lack of self-love and self-forgiveness... drip...

All those little drips fill the bucket up. and when it's full it doesn't matter what the next drip is, it'll spill. Neighbour mowing the lawn at 8am? TIRADE! Kid forgot sports kit? DRENCHED! A spike in nausea? SELF LOATHING! ... it's so far away from what I'd call Jedi it's not true. I dunno if this analogy fits for you guys, but full bucket living eroded the life quality of my best beloveds and allies who could have be good carers, AND it makes me un-Jedi.

I find I can empty my bucket by talking with someone. Someone who can care, but preferably won't be either alarmed, or get bored, or try to fix things... especially with some of the strange places I might want to itch and scratch!

I'm not clergy, I'm unskilled - I consider myself very much a listener in training - but I know how stupid I can be with a full bucket - I therefore offer myself up as a drain for anyone else's bound-to-be-very-different experiences of pain if they feel my services could be of any help.

Wishing you all the very best on this Jediism Day
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DeboraJ
  1. 1 year ago
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Oh yes!!!! I like this analogy so very much I'm going to share it with my doctor the next time I see her and she asks me about how I'm managing my pain. And thank you! I'm also at that place now where I'm trying not to get myself into "spillover" situations as I've been running at way too high of a stress level trying to "push it" as far as I can by letting my bucket fill and ignoring it.

I'm trying to remember to be more like the sloth than the hummingbird these days.
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