Stoic Meditations

"There is no more stupefying thing than anger, nothing more bent on its own strength. If successful, none more arrogant, if foiled, nothing more insane - since it's not driven back by weariness even in defeat, when fortune removes its adversary it turns its teeth on itself."

As the Stoics have said many times, getting angry almost never solves anything. Usually, it makes things worse. We get upset, then the other person gets upset - now everyone is upset, and the problem is no closer to getting solved.

Many successful people will try to tell you that anger is a powerful fuel in their lives. The desire to "prove them all wrong" or "shove it in their faces" has made many a millionaire. The anger at being called fat or stupid has created fine physical specimens and brilliant minds. The anger at being rejected has motivated many to carve out their own path.

But that's shortsighted. Such stories ignore the pollution produced as a side effect and wear and tear it put on the engine. It ignores what happens when that initial anger runs out - and how now more and more must be generated to keep the machine going (until, eventually, the only source left is anger at oneself). "Hate is too great a burden to bear," Martin Luther King Jr. warned his fellow civil rights leaders in 1967, even though they had every reason to respond to hate with hate.

The same is true for anger - in fact, it's true for most extreme emotions. They are toxic fuel. There's plenty of it out in the world, no question, but not worth the costs that come along with it.

"Our soul is sometimes a king, and sometimes a tyrant. A king, by attending to what is honorable, protects the good health of the body in its care, and gives it no base or sordid command. But an uncontrolled, desire-fueled, over-indulged soul is turned from a king into that most feared and detested thing - a tyrant."
There is that saying that absolute power corrupts absolutely. At first glance, that's true. Seneca's pupil Nero and his litany of crimes and murders is a perfect example. Another emperor, Domitian, arbitrarily banished all philosophers from Rome (Epictetus was forced to flee as a result). Many of Rome's emperors were tyrants. Yet, not many years later, Epictetus would become a close friend of another emperor, Hadrian, who would help Marcus Aurelius to the throne, one of the truest examples of a wise philosopher king.

So it's not so clear that power always corrupts, In fact, it looks like it comes down, in many ways, to the inner strength and self-awareness of individuals - what they value, what desires they keep in check, whether their understanding of fairness and justice can counteract the temptations of unlimited wealth and deference.

The same is true for you. Both personally and professionally. Tyrant or king? Hero or Nero? Which will you decide to be?

"Keep constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting, but your respect, trustworthiness and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear, in a word your freedom. For what would you sell these things?"
The dysfunctional job that stresses you out, a contentious relationship, life in the spotlight. Stoicism, because it helps us manage and think through our emotional reactions, can make these kinds of situations easier to bear. It can help you manage and mitigate the triggers that seem to be so constantly tripped.

But here's a question: Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Is this really the environment you were made for? To be provoked by nasty emails and an endless parade of workplace problems? Our adrenal glands can handle only so much before they become exhausted. Shouldn't you preserve them for life-and-death situations?

So yes, use Stoicism to manage these difficulties. But don't forget to ask: Is this really the life I want? Every time you get upset, a little bit of life leaves the body. Are these really the things on which you want to spend that priceless resource? Don't be afraid to make a change - a big one.

"Whenever you get an impression of some pleasure, as with any impression, guard yourself from being carried away by it, let it await your action, give yourself a pause. After that, bring to mind both times, first when you have enjoyed the pleasure and later when you will regret it and hate yourself. Then compare to those the joy and satisfaction for abstaining or moderating. However, if a seeming appropriate time arises to act on it, don't be overcome by its comfort, pleasantness, and allure - but against all of this, how much better the consciousness of conquering it."
Self-control is a difficult thing, no question. Which is why a popular trick from dieting might be helpful. Some diets allow a "cheat day" - one day per week in which dieters can eat anything and everything they want. Indeed, they're encouraged to write a list during the week of all the foods they craved so they can enjoy them all at once as a treat (the thinking being that if you're eating healthy six out of seven days, you're still ahead).

At first, this sounds like a dream, but anyone who has actually done this knows the truth: each cheat day you eat yourself sick and hate yourself afterward. Soon enough, you're willingly abstaining from cheating at all. Because you don't need it, and you definitely don't want it. It's not unlike a parent catching her child with cigarettes and forcing him to smoke the whole pack.

It's important to connect the so-called temptation with its actual effects. Once you understand that indulging might actually be worse than resisting, the urge begins to lose its appeal. In this way, self-control becomes the real pleasure, and temptation becomes the regret.

"For to be wise is only one thing - to fix our attention on our intelligence, which guides all things everywhere."
Why did I do that? you've probably asked yourself. We all have. How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking? You weren't. That's the problem. Within that head of yours is all the reason and intelligence you need. It's making sure that it's deferred to and utilized that's the tough part. It's making sure that your mind is in charge, not your emotions, not your immediate physical sensations, not your surging hormones.

Fix your attention on your intelligence. Let it do its thing.

"Clear your mind and get a hold on yourself and, as when awakened from sleep and realizing it was only a bad dream upsetting you, wake up and see that what's there is just like those dreams."
The author Raymond Chandler was describing most of us when he wrote in a letter to his publisher, " I never looked back, although I had many uneasy periods looking forward." Thomas Jefferson once joked in a letter to Hon Adams, "How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened!" And Seneca would put it best: "There is nothing so certain in our fears that's not yet more certain in the fact that most of what we dread comes to nothing."

Many of the things that upset us, the Stoics believed, are a product of the imaginations, not reality. Like dreams, they are vivid and realistic at the time but preposterous once we come out of it. In a dream, we never stop to think and say: "Does this make any sense?" No, we go along with it. The same goes with our flights of anger or fear or other extreme emotions.

Getting upset is like continuing the dream while you're awake. The thing that provoked you wasn't real - but your reaction was. And so from the fake comes real consequences. Which is why you need to wake up right now instead of creating a nightmare.

"It is quite impossible to unite happiness with a yearning for what we don't have. Happiness has all that it wants, and resembling the well-fed, there shouldn't be hunger or thirst."
I'll be happy when I graduate, we all tell ourselves. I'll be happy when I get this promotion, when this diet pays off, when I have the money that my parents never had. Conditional happiness, is what psychologists call this kind of thinking. Like the horizon, you can walk for miles and miles and never reach it. You won't even get any closer.

Eagerly anticipating some future event, passionately imagining something you desire, looking forward to some happy scenario - as pleasurable as these activities might seem, they imperil your chance at happiness here and now. Locate that yearning for more, someday, if only and see it for what it is: the enemy of your personal contentment. Always strive for better, but do not allow your happiness to be contingent upon external events. Choose this yearning or your happiness. As Epictetus says, in the end, the two are not compatible.

"This is the true athlete - the person in rigorous training against false impressions. Remain firm, you who suffer, don't be kidnapped by your impressions! The struggle is great, the task divine, - to gain mastery, freedom, happiness, and tranquility."
Epictetus also used the metaphor of a storm, saying that our impressions are not unlike extreme weather that can catch us and whirl us about. When we get worked up or passionate about an issue, we can relate.

But let's think about the role of weather in modern times. Today, we have forecasters and experts who can fairly accurately predict storm patterns. Today, we're defenseless against a hurricane only if we refuse to prepare or heed the warnings.

If we don't have a plan, if we never learned how to put up the storm windows, we will be at the mercy of these external - and internal - elements. We're still puny human beings compared with one-hundred-mile-per-hour winds, but we have the advantage of being able to prepare - being able to struggle against them in a new way.

"Remember to conduct yourself in life as if at a banquet. As something being passed around comes to you, reach out your hand and take a moderate helping. Does it pass you by? Don't stop it. It hasn't yet come? Don't burn in desire for it, but wait until it arrives in front of you. Act this way with children, a spouse, toward position, with wealth - one day it will make you worthy of a banquet with the gods."
The next time you see something you want, remember Epictetus's metaphor of life's banquet. As you find yourself getting excited, ready to do anything and everything to get it - the equivalent of reaching across the table and grabbing a dish our of someone's hands - just remind yourself: that's bad manners and unnecessary. Then wait patiently for your turn.

This metaphor has other interpretations too. For instance, we might reflect that we're lucky to have been invited to such a wonderful feast (gratitude). Or that we should take our time and savor the taste of what's on offer (enjoying the present moment) but has that to stuff ourselves sick with food and drink serves no one, least of all our health (temperance). That at the end of the meal, it's rude not to help the host clean up and do the dishes (selflessness). And finally, that next time, it's our turn to host and treat others just as we had been treated.

Enjoy the meal!

"Robbers, addicts, killers, and tyrants - gather for your inspection their so-called pleasures!
It's never great to judge people, but it's worth taking a second to investigate how a life dedicated to indulging every whim actually works out. The writer Anne Lamott jokes in Bird by Bird, "Ever wonder what God thinks of money? Just look at the people he gives it to." The same goes for addiction to power and pleasure. Look at the dictator and his gang of plotting, manipulative sycophants. Look how quickly the overindulgence of a young starlet turns to drug addiction and a stalled career.

Ask yourself: Is it really worth it? What do I lose by allowing indulgence to overtake my reasoned will?

With reasoned moderation serving as your anchor, consider that when you crave something or contemplate indulging in a "harmless" vice.

"Remember that it's only the desire for wealth and position that debases and subjugates us, but also the desire for peace, leisure, travel, and learning. It doesn't matter what the external thing is, the value we place on it subjugates us to another...where are our heart is set to pine, there our impediment lies."
Surely, Epictetus isn't saying that peace, leisure, travel, and learning are bad, is he? Thankfully, no. But ceaseless, ardent desire - if not bad in and of itself - is fraught with potential complications. What we desire makes us vulnerable. Whether it's an opportunity to travel world or to be the president or for five minutes of peace and quiet, when we pine for something, when we hope against hope, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Because fate can always intervene and then we'll likely lose our self-control in response.

As Diogenes, the famous Cynic, once said, "It is the privilege of the gods to want nothing, and of godlike men to want little." To want nothing makes one invincible - because nothing of yourself lies outside your control. This doesn't just go for not wanting the easy-to-criticize things like wealth or fame - the kinds of folly that we see illustrated in some of our most classic plays and fables. That green light that Gatsby strove for can represent seemingly good things too, like love or a noble cause. But it can wreck someone all the same.

When it comes to your goals and the things you strive for, ask yourself: Am I in control of them or they in control of me?

"Cato practiced the kind of public speech capable of moving the masses, believing proper political philosophy takes care like any great city to maintain the warlike element. But he was never seen practicing in front of others, and no one ever heard him rehearse a speech. When he was told that people blamed him for his silence, he replied, ' Better they not blame my life. I begin to speak only when I'm certain what I'll say isn't better left unsaid.'"
It's easy to act - to just dive in. It's harder to stop, to pause, to think: No, I'm not sure I need to do that yet. I'm not sure I am ready. As Cato entered politics, many expected swift and great things from him - stirring speeches, roaring condemnations, wise analyses. He was aware of this pressure - a pressure that exists on all of us at times - and resisted. It's easy to pander to the mob (and to our ego).

Instead, he waited and prepared. He parsed his own thoughts, made sure he was not reacting emotionally, selfishly, ignorantly, or prematurely. Only then would he speak - when he was confident that his words were worthy of being heard.

To do this requires awareness. It requires us to stop and evaluate ourselves and our message honestly. Can you do that?

"You shouldn't give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don't care at all."
A significant chunk of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is made up of short quotes and passages from other writers. This is because Marcus wasn't necessarily trying to produce an original work - instead he was practicing, reminding himself here and there of important lessons, and sometimes these lessons were things he had read.

This particular quote is special because it comes from a play by Euripides, which, except for a handful of quoted fragments like this, is lost to us. From what we can gather about the play, Bellerophon, the hero, comes to doubt the existence of the gods. But in this line, he is saying: Why bother getting mad at causes and forces far bigger than us? Why do we take these things personally? After all, external events are not sentient beings - they cannot respond to our shouts and cries - and neither can the mostly indifferent gods.

That's what Marcus was reminding himself of here: circumstances are incapable of considering or caring for your feelings, your anxieties, or your excitement. They don't care about your reaction. They are not people. So stop acting like getting worked up is having an impact on a given situation. Situations won't feel the impact at all.

"Keep in mind that it isn't the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse. So when someone arouses your anger, know that it's really your own opinion fueling it. Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions, for with time and distance self-mastery is more easily achieved."
The Stoics remind us that there really is no such thing as an objectively good or bad occurrence. When a billionaire loses $1 million in market fluctuation, it's not the same as when you or I lose a million dollars. Criticism from your worst enemy is received differently than negative words from a spouse. If someone sends you an angry email but you never see it, did the anger actually happen? In other words, these situations require our participation, context, and categorization in order to be "bad."

Our reaction is what actually decides whether 'bad' has occurred. If we feel that we've been wronged and get angry, of course that's how it will seem. If we raise our voice because we feel we're being confronted, naturally a confrontation will ensue.

But if we retain control of ourselves, we decide whether to label something good or bad. In fact, if that same event happened to us at different points in our lifetime, we might have very different reactions. So why not choose now to not apply these labels? Why not choose not to react?

"So, concerning the things we pursue, and which we vigorously exert ourselves, we owe this consideration - either there is nothing useful in them, or most aren't useful. Some of them are superfluous, while others aren't worth that much. But we don't discern this and see them as free, when they cost us dearly."
Of Seneca's many letters, this is probably one of the most important - and one of the least understood. He's making a point that goes unheard in a society of ever-bigger houses and ever more possessions: that there's a hidden cost to accumulation. And that the sooner we are aware of it, the better.

Remember: even what we get for free has a cost, if only in what we pay to store it - in our garages, in our minds, in our hearts. As you walk past the things stored therein, ask yourself: Do I need this? Is it superfluous? What is this actually worth? What is it costing me?

You might be surprised by the answers and how much you've been paying without even knowing it.

"An important place to begin in philosophy is this: a clear perception of one's own ruling principle."
Philosophy is intimidating. Where does one start? With books? With lectures? With the sale of your worldly possessions?

None of these things. Epictetus is saying that one becomes a philosopher when they begin to exercise their guiding reason and start to question the emotions and beliefs and even language that others take for granted. It is thought that an animal has self-awareness when it is able to fully recognize itself in the mirror. Perhaps we could say that we begin our journey into philosophy when we become aware of the ability to analyze our own minds.

Can you start with that step today? When you do, you may find that from it you really come alive - to paraphrase Socrates - that we can live lives that are actually worth living.

(Socrates's actual quote is, "The unexamined life is not worth living.")

"An important place to begin in philosophy is this: a clear perception of one's own ruling principle."
Philosophy is intimidating. Where does one start? With books? With lectures? With the sale of your worldly possessions?

None of these things. Epictetus is saying that one becomes a philosopher when they begin to exercise their guiding reason and start to question the emotions and beliefs and even language that others take for granted. It is thought that an animal has self-awareness when it is able to fully recognize itself in the mirror. Perhaps we could say that we begin our journey into philosophy when we become aware of the ability to analyze our own minds.

Can you start with that step today? When you do, you may find that from it you really come alive - to paraphrase Socrates - that we can live lives that are actually worth living.

(Socrates's actual quote is, "The unexamined life is not worth living.")

"Another has done me wrong? Let him see to it. He has his own tendencies, and his own affairs. What I have now is what the common nature has willed, and what I endeavor to accomplish now is what my nature wills.
Abraham Lincoln occasionally got fuming mad with a subordinate, one his generals, even his friends. Rather than taking it out on that person directly, he'd write a long letter, outlining his case why they were wrong and what he wanted them to know. Then Lincoln would fold it up, put the letter in the desk drawer, and never send it. Many of these letters survive only by chance.

He knew, as the former emperor of Rome knew, that it's often easier to fight back. It's tempting to give them a piece of your mind. But you almost always end up with regret. You almost always wish you hadn't sent the letter. Think of the last time you flew off the handle. What was the outcome? What was the ultimate benefit?

"Hold sacred your capacity for understanding. For in it is all, that our ruling principle won't allow anything to enter that is either inconsistent with nature or with the constitution of a logical creature. It's what demands due diligence, care for others, and obedience to the gods."
The fact that you can think, the fact that you can read this book, the fact that you are able to reason in and out of situations - all of this is what gives you the ability to improve your circumstances and become better. It's important to appreciate this ability, because it is a genuine ability. Not everyone is so lucky.

Take a little time today to remember that you're blessed with the capacity to use logic and reason to navigate situations and circumstances. This gives you great power to alter your circumstances and the circumstances of others. And remember that with power comes responsibility.

"You are not your body and hair-style, your possessions, but your capacity for choosing well. If your choices are beautiful, so too will you be."
It's that line the movie Fight Club: "You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet." Obviously our friend Epictetus never saw that movie or read the book - but apparently the consumerism of the 1990s existed in ancient Rome too.

It's easy to confuse the image we present to the world for who we actually are, especially when media messaging deliberately blurs that distinction.

You might look beautiful today, but if that was the result of vain obsession in the mirror this morning, the Stoics would ask, are you actually beautiful? A body built from hard work is admirable. A body built only to impress others not nearly so.

That's what the Stoics urge us to consider. Not how things appear, but what effort, activity, and choices they result from.