Can you have a relationship with someone and still be a jedi

Avoiding "attachments" is not the same as avoiding relationships. Jedi avoid attachments because they don't like to allow anything to override their control of their self. People who avoid relationships are just afraid of them.

Some people, because of love, commit crimes. Actions that harm others. "Go crazy" because of jealousy.
If the Jedi controls himself, and does not allow emotions prevail over mind - he has the right to a relationship.

Well my original comment (before being interrupted) was about this very thing. Can you have a relationship that you can control? It takes two or more right? so you cant control others.. so how do you stop the conflict? I think I want to be a true Jedi and not have any relationships any more.

Fyxe wrote: Well my original comment (before being interrupted) was about this very thing. Can you have a relationship that you can control? It takes two or more right? so you cant control others.. so how do you stop the conflict? I think I want to be a true Jedi and not have any relationships any more.

I admire the resolve to want to become a "true" Jedi, however I think there may be a few things you are overlooking.

Do you remember in the first movie; A New Hope, when the "wise" Obi-wan Kenobi takes Luke to what was essentially a hitman bar? How about afterwards, when he left Luke alone in the mix?

Do you remember the scene where, just about Luke is about to get into a bar fight; Obi-wan preemptively cut's a mans arm clean off?

I'll leave a reference link below as to why Jedi are not the saints commonly thought of. I hope you'll read it and take away a few of the failures the fictional Jedi order made, as lessons to improve upon within your own path.

15 Reasons Why The Jedi Are Bad Guys

Fyxe wrote: Well my original comment (before being interrupted) was about this very thing. Can you have a relationship that you can control? It takes two or more right? so you cant control others.. so how do you stop the conflict? I think I want to be a true Jedi and not have any relationships any more.

"To be a Jedi, you must confront and then go beyong the Dark Side of the Force. The side your father couldn't get past".
- Obi-wan Kenobi to Luke Skywalker, Dagobah, Return of the Jedi.

Being a true Jedi has nothing to do with avoiding conflict, and everything to do with learning to face it. I know I've grown by leaps and bounds while in a relationship, as they are difficult and as such, provide an opportunity for self-awareness and growth.

Well that page is really just not real. For one thing jedi did not kidnap children!

And conflict cant be confronted if it does not exist. Stay out of relationships does this for you. And then you can spend more time doing other things! I have a desire to develop some of ky jedi power.

Fyxe wrote: Well that page is really just not real. For one thing jedi did not kidnap children!

And conflict cant be confronted if it does not exist. Stay out of relationships does this for you. And then you can spend more time doing other things! I have a desire to develop some of ky jedi power.

Yes, in fact they did.

The extended universe is chock full of examples in which Jedi kidnap children. Everything mentioned within that link is based off of events that took place within either the prequels, original trilogy, or sequels; or the extended universe which is tied into them.

If you don't want to be in a relationship, that's your choice and right as an individual. However, I would offer the advise that if you are avoiding relationships to "flee" from conflict; conflict will find it's way into other areas of your life.

How will you handle being alone? What will you do to combat the adverse effects of self-imposed isolation?

Do you plan to avoid work, in addition to forsaking romantic / personal relationships? If so, how do you plan to afford yourself the necessities of life? Will you become a farmer?; planting your own crops, and raising your own livestock? Where will you live?; where will you set up your monastic homestead?

On a final note, concerning the ky (qi/chi/psy/psi) power bit of your post; there are many here who have spent years trying to develop psychic abilities. People for centuries have tried to harness what they have seen as the untapped potential of the mind. Nobody within, or outside of this community has been able to develop these abilities to a degree which is reproducible on a consistent basis.

Fiction is fiction for a reason. I would suggest that the time you would spend in pursuit of such abilities, could be used for a more constructive purpose.

I wish you the best of luck on your path.

Fyxe wrote: Well my original comment (before being interrupted) was about this very thing. Can you have a relationship that you can control? It takes two or more right? so you cant control others.. so how do you stop the conflict? I think I want to be a true Jedi and not have any relationships any more.

Okay first I am wondering exactly what you think a true Jedi is?
And I have to think on your question of control, if your avoiding relationships then you have already lost control of yourself in a way.
If your not learning to deal with and handle the emotional and physical events that arise within a relationship then you will never have any control over yourself. Avoidance isn't control it isn't learning or growth. In life conflict will arise in any type of relationship, will you avoid all of those? Unless you are planning on becoming a monk then at some point you will need to develop skills to deal with conflict.
Life as any sort of Jedi or basic human is about developing lifeskills which include conflict managment and at the heart of my path at least is love. For others, for myself and with love comes conflict. You can't disconnect yourself and still protect or love others because in my opinion disconnection means you cant empathise, your not open to growth to moving forward.
You cant control where conflict will arise but you can learn to manage it gracefully and with respect and love.

Fyxe wrote: Well my original comment (before being interrupted) was about this very thing. Can you have a relationship that you can control? It takes two or more right? so you cant control others.. so how do you stop the conflict? I think I want to be a true Jedi and not have any relationships any more.

My little brother is the same way and not for the sake of not being able but its the willing thing. He says there's not much for him available and hes ok with that. some people don't need significant others. Some do. I do. I would be a hot mess without mine. then she would be a mess without me either lol.

If that's your choice go for it! what ever reason.. that's ok too!

serious and simple question - ever read love storys? if so which? just wondering.

Fyxe wrote: And conflict cant be confronted if it does not exist. Stay out of relationships does this for you. And then you can spend more time doing other things! I have a desire to develop some of ky jedi power.

Well, if you feel a romantic committed relationship is not for you, then rock on. You should be moving forward in the direction of what you truly want. Just be careful, it's easy to get caught up chasing around a goal that isn't really yours, just because you've somehow internalized that you should do it.

I am curious about all these other things you'll do with your free time. I don't know what you mean when you say "develop some of ky jedi power", but be sure to make a quick pause and ponder what it is you are chasing, and why.

No the Jedi never kidnapped people! they took orphans or gave their kids better lives and a good strong upbringing. besides there is no Extended universe anymore. Its legends now and not cannon like the Jedi are. so maybe there are legends of Jedi doing this but those are told by bad people that dont like them!

I think a true jedi should not have attachements but love all uniformly. there are lots of people that do this and get great power from it. preists here on this planet do this and they become the only ones to get rid of sin. I want true jedi power in this way.

Why do you think this? (Not the movie stuff)
What power do you think we have?

Fyxe wrote: I think a true jedi should not have attachements but love all uniformly. there are lots of people that do this and get great power from it.

Name one of these “lots of people”, and explain what power they have. Maybe we can get a better idea of what you mean.

Priests don’t count. They are as flawed as any of us, they do not love unconditionally, and they do not get rid of sin (God does that in the Christian traditions)

wait? i never said unconditionally and i not sure why you would think even if you did that it means you must be perfect??!! why would you be perfect?

I never said unconditional though, I said uniform like they love everyone the same but none specifically. and priests do count! why would they not count? the dont have relationships and the do absolve sin. you just go to a priest and confess and they will forgive you for god. This is a power they have that others dont.

Why don't we have both?


Or rather, you've just come around to your original question anyway - Can you love someone (or someones), and also love everything (or at least, something grander and less focussed on individuals), without a conflict?


If you're lucky, maybe.

Will there be conflict? Most likely.

Perhaps you see (whatever quality you're chasing) as...lets say "Being polite to everyone"

One day, you're out with someone you love, and someone confronts them....chance of conflict here - your identity requires you be polite to everyone, but your love requires that you stand your ground against your love's opponent...what to do what to do...

It's a minor example, you can have whatever example you like, perhaps you are sworn to law, but your mate steals a car - I really don't care about the endless possible hypotheticals


Priests (being as vague as I like here, as I'm not sure the term has been well defined for this conversation) are more or less sworn to Gods truth, which, depending on where you read about it, might include Love of all of God's creation, and perhaps in more practical terms, a level of pastoral care for a specific group of peopple - Priests as often as not, do have human love interests, and they have to find a way to balance those two worlds.

Ask any pastor's partner - I'm sure they hate the 2am phone calls when they are trying to sleep, but the person they love has sworn to serve others....


Now, some of them might not do that, some of them might feel better service to the almighty involves abstaining from everything, shunning the human condition, and wearing the silliest hats they can find.

I don't really care either way, it's up to you to determine what is the better path for yourself, and how you want to manage your time and existence in this world.

*broadly speaking* Jediism favours are more...pragmatic view of the world, and most (not all) of those who follow the path acknowledge you have to be a part of the world, and trying to "rise above it" and be some guru on a mountain top is unlikely to serve anyone well.

well ya that would not be the case because I would never be with anyone that could not already defend themselves. The Jedi are not chivalrous like that. Women are Jedi as well! And lots of people practice love in a general sense but not a specific sense to attain enlightenment. I just finished my first lesson and it even talks about it there. It is a sacrifice. So like I mentioned the priests but even some people that Star Wars is based on do this. So I dont see why Jedi here dont practice it? Jains shun relathionships to attain a higher state, Sifi orders do it, no relations was deemed a high rule by Buddha, and hindu munks have rules against it too. So if Im jedi, like a monk warrior, why do they not practice this like in Star Wars? If they dont I dont see them as real Jedi, thats what I mean.

well ya that would not be the case because I would never be with anyone that could not already defend themselves.

It was a random hypothetical, whether or not the specifics apply to your circumstances matters not the slightest amount.

So like I mentioned the priests but even some people that Star Wars is based on do this. So I dont see why Jedi here dont practice it? Jains shun relathionships to attain a higher state, Sifi orders do it, no relations was deemed a high rule by Buddha, and hindu munks have rules against it too. So if Im jedi, like a monk warrior, why do they not practice this like in Star Wars? If they dont I dont see them as real Jedi, thats what I mean.

If are convinced that you can not have compassion for everyone, and also serve base human desires and needs, it's not my, or anyone elses job to dissuade you.

As someone who is also learning, I would like to throw in some thoughts.

If we observe the effects of Jedi in relationships in the fiction, yes, many Jedi turn to the Dark Side as a result of something going sour while romantically involved, but just as many Jedi end up turning for entirely unrelated reasons. Others even leave the Order without turning and end up having a safe and healthy relationship. In Luke Skywalker's EU Academy, we see him married (with a son even if I recall?). So the answer to the question fiction wise, to me, is closer to "What do you consider a Jedi to be?". Do you think one needs to be part of the Order to still be a Jedi? Do you consider Luke's EU Academy to be an example of "true Jedi"?

I believe this is pertinent when considering our real world, because similar situations arise. Someone loses themselves to alcohol or other vices after losing a loved one, it's easy to draw a line between abuse of those vices and falling to the Dark Side in fiction. It feels good, but when used too much it becomes detrimental. The relationship itself didn't cause this fall, it's how one chooses to go about life after loss.

I believe this is a personal question that can only really be answered on each Jedi as an individual. Do you personally think you could handle a relationship as a Jedi? Could you stay a Jedi after potentially losing someone that important? In my military experience, I saw many people divorce because they were married to a non-military spouse who thought they knew what they were signing up for... until the soldier was gone for months at a time, and came back for a few weeks only to leave again. This can also happen when asking yourself this question, the answer seems truthful until it becomes the unfavorable experience.

So perhaps the core question at the root is this: is the person you found special enough to risk your way of life for?
Many people here seem to have this answer of it not mattering as much because we don't follow a code like the fictional Jedi, but I propose this: the people who say this have already had to ask themselves this question and understand that this is not a Jedi exclusive problem. Most people have to ask themselves this question for someone at some point.

The way I view it is the characters in the fiction are not Jedi, but the most heavily weighted within an allegory for what a real Jedi might/should/could be. They are not ideals to me, nor the messages and actions necessarily literal.

If they are not ideals then why do you try to be like them? Why do you take their name and call your place a temple and I see all kinds of light sabers around here so...Im confused? I was talking to another person and they told me so many differences I was wondering if there were any similarities between this place and Star Wars Jedi? I mean what is the deal with that?

I see the lack of relationship in my life as the space I need to gain higher consciousness and greater control of powers. I am practicing Jedi powers and I want to master them. If I want to do this I dont see much room for other things like kids or spouse or stuff like that. I want to be like the real Jedi I see in the movies. I thought this place was closer to that? :S