Compassion Ration

The option of reserving the decision of forgiveness:
- Is / can be time-dependent (is not final)
- Is a state that happens in a time window where we consult ourselves to figure out more thoroughly what our feelings are and if they are to resolve in that time frame
- Has a befitting time and place to use as an option, depending on our involvement and the effect the situation has had on us.

Sometimes we do not yet know if we can or want to forgive, and if we feel the answer is no, it's necessary to consider the possibility that this can change. We're not predicting or deciding that it eventually will, because we do not know. Many people tend to come around even when they do not think they will. So it's fair to say "I don't know if I can or should forgive". This leaves our emotional self awareness open and available for us to observe our situation more objectively and with less emotional / biased attachment pinning us down.

elizabeth wrote: Forgiveness and compassion are important but one is a choice and the other to me anyway is a natural feeling.
You can have compassion for someone yet choose not to forgive.
The two arent dependant on each other.

You can forgive yourself and move on from a situation not holding onto anger or hate. Yet you are under no obligation to forgive others.
I dont believe we run out of compassion, I do think that there comes a point where having offered compassion understanding and help over and over, you have to make a choice to cut a person from your life if they repeatedly show in their actions that they have no intention to change their behaviour.

You cant keep giving when others are being harmed.
Do you as a Jedi continue to show forgiveness to one and yet allow another to suffer? Wheres the compassion for the other then?
There has to be a point where you cut of the toxic individual in order for others to have their chance.
Doesnt mean you hate them, most times there are no particular feelings because from that moment you concentrate on whats important to you.
Growth doesnt mean allowing toxic individuals to do as they wish, sometimes growth is walking away.

The Jedi path for me isnt about allowing others to walk over you whilst you turn the other cheek or endlessly forgive.
Its having the strength to say enougth and stand strong not giving space to the negative energy of certain individuals.

That is a very strong way of doing things, indeed. Every person has the opportunity to make their “garden or eden “ by cultivation. Our life’s can be thought of as a garden and I’ve heard a lot of wise people think so it too. Knowing our own limits is a gift sometimes I think - for me it is and has been. Knowing how far your compassion and forgiveness CAN go or where your limits are - is one of those practices like - cultivating the ground - adding nutrients to get better yield and growth... fewer weeds. Personally , if it wasn’t for the fact that I can identify small things like this in my life - for me - I couldn’t grow. Knowing where my limits are helps me to - at my own pace .. smileyface... make a few additions , corrections - new ways of trying - so on and so forth. It’s all about the grow some days. Thanks for sharing Elizabeth. Force continue to be with ya.

Proteus wrote: The option of reserving the decision of forgiveness:
- Is / can be time-dependent (is not final)
- Is a state that happens in a time window where we consult ourselves to figure out more thoroughly what our feelings are and if they are to resolve in that time frame
- Has a befitting time and place to use as an option, depending on our involvement and the effect the situation has had on us.

Sometimes we do not yet know if we can or want to forgive, and if we feel the answer is no, it's necessary to consider the possibility that this can change. We're not predicting or deciding that it eventually will, because we do not know. Many people tend to come around even when they do not think they will. So it's fair to say "I don't know if I can or should forgive". This leaves our emotional self awareness open and available for us to observe our situation more objectively and with less emotional / biased attachment pinning us down.

So when you refer to the option of picking neither, you just mean the option to wait?

I am not yet a member here, and I am only just beginning to learn the ways of Jedi, and am in the process of unlearning previous beliefs so that I may learn the way of Jedi in the most pure way I can manage. (I understand that one cannot simply forget everything.) However, I feel this is a great oportunity to show a bit about myself and where I am coming from.

To me, forgiveness and compassion often relate, but they are not dependant on each other. Compassion seems to happen regardless, it seems to be a core part of my personality. There is at least one person I can name certainly that I have had compassion for but I have not forgiven.

I think people can and do change, but they also can and do remain stagnant. Sometimes the hurt that may or may not be forgiven has no chance of happening again, sometimes it will certainly happen again. Sometimes it is not about if it will happen again but rather the intent of the hurt. (Was it on purpose or not?)

As an example, the person I have not forgiven, but feel compassion for, intentionally hurt me, and is stagnant, or unwilling to change. I understand that that person's reasons are because it is the only way they know to deal with their own problems and concerns. Perhaps they were raised that way, perhaps it is an answer they came to on their own, but it is cemented into them now. I still love them, but I cannot allow myself to continue to be hurt, so I must take action and move on by removing that person from my life.

5. Jedi understand that well-being consists in the physical, the mental and the spiritual. A Jedi trains each to ensure they remain capable of performing their duties to the best of their ability. All of these are interconnected and essential parts of our training in becoming more harmonious with the Force.

This goes in hand with my understanding of this at this time. No one can be able to perform at their best if there is someone they are forgiving that is constantly repeating the same hurt.

At the same time, there are times when not forgiving has just as damaging a result. It can end a friendship that could continue to help someone grow and stay at the top of their abilities. Often times, it is our piers that help keep us at our best by chalenging us or supporting us when we need it.

I believe too that there is a time to wait and see. Sometimes the answer is not clear as to weather it is best to forgive or not. It is not always evident if the offense will be repeated, or if it was a mistake. Nor is it always evident if a person will change or not.

We are responsible for all things we choose. Action or inaction have influence. In the end, I think that forgiveness is a decision that should be treated seriously, like all other decisions. Information needs to be gathered, wisdom applied to that information.

Compassion for me happens like breathing, I am naturally dispositioned to put myself in the place of others. Perhaps it is due to my own life experiences and not wanting to ever hurt anyone like I have been hurt. That is a topic that stands by itself. I have never reached a point where I no longer felt compassion. I have at times reached points where I no longer cared about myself. I ceased to have compassion for myself in darker times of my life just to get through the day, week, or month. This actually happened while I was forgiving someone who I should not have been forgiving, and also when dealing with someone who no longer functions with reason or logic for too long without any breaks or self care. (Alztimers patient)