The Stoic Journal of the Unsoundscientist.

I have this to say about life right now. There is no way to succeed if you depend upon the actions of others. I cannot control that which is not, and in that, I have been made a fool for trying. I sit now waiting in the hopes the bank will approve a check that was decimated by a storm. If I had bothered to check last night, instead of assuming it had been checked, I would’ve found that it was there. Instead, I made an assumption of another’s malpractice, and left myself in a delimma. Now I wonder if I will have the money, or if I will have to face the consequences of my actions, and the judgement of someone who has chosen a safe existence. I, however, also assume that they will think less of me. Perhaps they will see a man in need, instead of a fool who has given his life no purpose. Although, it may be reasonable to assume such a thing given the facts. I do not practice that which I proclaim, and all of my wisdom I give is rarely executed in my own life. It seems funny how things are balanced.

Personally, I think the lessons that have been learned in this house are invaluable. My months of suffering are the result of a lack of forethought. It is now that I must move forward and take account of my assets, of which, I have few. A life of minimalism leaves you with minimal, but one cannot collect junk either. Possessions must have purpose, but too many tools can go unused. One must account for what tools are needed for his craft, and keep that which is necessary, but allow himself a place in which to store them. Do not cast your pearl before swine, and do not allow yourself to become the swine that no one casts pearls. In my grief, I have traded my self worth for complacencies in order to tolerate my place. This injustice should be remedied, but that requires a change in disposition. This change, however, is not one that I have thus far been capable of internalizing.

Regarding cigarettes

It is poison you, Fool! That is what it is. The effects you feel in your body. The hinderance of grind, the lack of focus, the depression. It is the effects of poison.

Statuary ranting
Today is a day. It is just a day. The only day you will ever live. So live! Gather your affairs, and organize your effects. Have no consideration for the sorrows of your failure. Be relieved to know that you will never see them again. Be as the Gods! Help those who help themselves and let the fools rot. No man is without help if he holds virtue! So go forth and create a world that is pleasing to the eye! Let the soul wander and the heart rejoice in the love you have found in yourself. Be not swine, be the Eagle. Be justice and majesty! Never falter from the path, but if you do, then forge a new path! Be rid of superstition and guilt for they only feed themselves and have no gift but destruction and sorrow. Regret not the action of your past, but neither let the glories of old take your eyes from the war at hand. Carry your spear ready to strike, but do not exhaust yourself in the anticipation.

Tiny Snake
I found a tiny snake on my walk tonight. I have seen it before, but I don’t recall the proper name. It is a type of mountain snake that is just tiny. I thought to capture it, but I decided against it. It represents a healing transition, which is appropriate for the time. It is a black snake with two red lines on its neck near the base of the head. About 6 inches long, and a quarter inch thick. Just a little snake, and I don’t think they are poisonous. Just a snake, a little snake, but I let it be for now. If I find it a third time, then I shall keep it as a pet and name it Grumungnin for the sake of humor.

Catch the Queen
Queen of Hearts- the Mother
Queen of Diamonds- the Whore
Kings of Clubs- the Brutal Man
King of Hearts- the Kind Man
King of Diamonds- the Prudent Man
Jack of Spades- the Seeker
Jack of Hearts- the Lover
Jack of Clubs- the Fighter
Jack of Diamonds- the Rogue

Life is fleeting
There is much in this world I do not understand. When I begin to think I am intelligent or wise, I like to read the thoughts of PHDs. I gather this knowledge to consider first, that I have no clout or reputation to make my thoughts worth while. Secondly, it is also to realize that I am smarter than many of these people, but many are vastly smarter than me. I have, however, a particular fancy for avarice. This has limits most of my life thus far, and has left me nothing more than a slave. Have I accomplished nothing? In consideration, it may be that any work I have done has gone overlooked. That I have been born as one who will never receive fame. Although, it is also possible that my sloth and resulting depression has caused me to be overlooked. Perhaps it is time I went back to school to study that which I love. Philosophy is the only thing I have really ever clicked with besides science and music. These are things I was told a child that I would make no money. When I left the military, I went to college for Computer Science as it was the most profitable option. Now, I sit on my brother’s porch waiting to be picked up by my mother to go to a minimum wage job. Is this a cause of me disrupting nature, but choosing a path of monetary growth? Or is this a result of emotional discord, because I did not follow my heart. Or is it simply, that I do not wish to do what is necessary to accomplish my goals? If this is the case, is it the result of fear or am I sick? I would say that it is the result of cognitive fusion of fear. That since I was a child, I was so hurt by my adoption, I have fantasized about others destroying me. I have grown comfortable in my sorrow, and so have stayed where I feel comfortable. As a Pleb, as a fool; destitute because a man cannot have stolen that which he does not possess.

The Light of the Earth and the Light of the Soul make a home.

Is it so bad?
I must have started a thought and then wandered off, or perhaps this is where I started to use Stoa. Which, is a nice app, but doesn’t allow me to write much. Life is actually rather beautiful here, given even to all of its shortcomings. Who am I to say tho what is wrong with it? It is not mine to judge. I have done my part in its improvement, and so I can safely say, that I have changed what I can control. The rest, if anything, is just another piece of a puzzle. If I am not willing to listen to other people’s advice, then why should they listen to mine. I have done my part to change the world so it is better for me. Even though that is selfish, that is all that matters. As Seneca stated, “do not look to the approval of others for happiness. If you need a witness, then be your own.” Or something along those lines. I have never been very good at quoting things.

This is a lovely day tho. Not too hot, and isn’t chilly. The sun shines brightly, even though I have found a comfy spot in the shade. Perspective is reality, and that was the only trial. To see that there are no demons in the dark. If you look for demons you will find them. That was the truth I needed to accept. That is why I was constantly called to the woods. Was to see that the darkness holds no monsters, and that fear is what creates them. Let go of Fear, Superstition, and Sorrows, because the only feed themselves. Turn an eye to Compassion, and Patience. In these you will find the truth. Wisdom, Justice, Courage, and Discipline are the only notions that must be considered. Judge them with Love, and if they make the cut. If they do not produce these fruits, then burn them for they are Death. The cost of Magic is Death, and Life is Prespective. If you see the story, than see the trees. If you see the trees, then see the Story. There is no guide for this. It must be found on your own. How you practice is preference, but control is the only means to avoid destruction.


Change is the only constant
In contrast to previous ideas, I am where I should have been. My life has exile has come to a conclusion, and now I sit in the home of a loving woman. It is always astounding to me how fate tends to bend things around. I was completely determined that the only way I would leave my brother’s home was by my own achievements. Yet, here I am writing on a couch I knew for so many months. That the things here that bothered me so, are now just a fleeting trifle. The areas of compromise that seemed impossible for me to embrace, now are only reasonable. It was Ego that drove me to my fall. Ego is the death of reason, and therefore must be cast to the wayside, like garbage. The pains and trials where simply products of superstition. Superstition is just the fear of fate. As Marcus Aerilius stated, “A man who fears fate is a child.” I am not a child, and so that fear must also be cast out, like that of the ego.

It has been a while since I have written. A lack in discipline of which I am quite ashamed. A new year should begin with new habits. Let not try w vice control the mind.


At least this is what I saved.
Spicey as Always,
Uldric Woodrun