stuck in a rut

  • st3vo
  • st3vo's Avatar Topic Author
  • Guest
28 May 2012 08:38 #61977 by st3vo
stuck in a rut was created by st3vo
hello to anybody who decides to read it,
im currently taking time out of school which I was doing so to pursue a career in the army, however due to influence of someone who I then cared about I decided to pull out, they then convinced me to go back to school with them in September. I have since then realised that after several arguments that spending 2 years in a school with this person may not be the best idea and have recently been offered trials for a football (English football)scholarship! it has always been my dream to play football professionally. but this means I have to pick between my dream and the part of me that still desperately wants to make things right with the other person and would gladly spend 2 years doing so.
please I could use some good advice here because I have never been so confused and guilty at the thought of potentially really upsetting some who I used to care so much about I would have given my life for them if called for! another factor to include is that she hasn't stopped going on about how good its going to be and generally sounds really excited about the thought of going to school with me, although after a recent argument we haven't spoken in a few days. again I don't know what to do so hopefully you guys will otherwise I don't think I will ever sort this out in time!

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Seraph Arel
  • Seraph Arel's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 10:27 #61978 by Seraph Arel
Replied by Seraph Arel on topic stuck in a rut
Hi st3vo. I know where you're coming from, I was in a similar situation back in my teens. I made choices based on another persons ideals and ended up regretting it after our relationship ended.
When I look back on what I missed out on, I wish I had been more headstrong and gone with what I wanted to do.
The only advice I can really offer is to look at the bigger picture regarding your relationship and where you think it's going. Once you figure that out, it may make your decision easier.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Archaic Smile
  • Archaic Smile's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 13:31 #61981 by Archaic Smile
Replied by Archaic Smile on topic stuck in a rut
I agree. It sounds like football is something you really care about, and part of your life -- school can come later, but it is possible that if you don't go for the football now, you'll always be wondering "What if..."

part of being in a relationship is respecting the needs and aspirations of both people, and if that is not possible, it's going to be hard for things to work. but won't you still be able to see her even if you put off going to school for a year or so?

also, I was really glad that I took two years off because when I returned to school I was much more focused and worked much harder than when I was 19.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Kalkho
  • Kalkho's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 13:37 #61984 by Kalkho
Replied by Kalkho on topic stuck in a rut
It's a bit weird, but when I have a problem like this, I flip a coin. No, it's not deterministic, I just want to find out which side I want it to turn, so I know what I subconsciously want to do. But I think you should stay with her. If you are good enough, there will be more scholarships coming your way, and if she means anything to you, the decision is obvious for me. You should stay with her.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Zazen
  • Zazen  's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 15:42 #61995 by Zazen
Replied by Zazen on topic stuck in a rut
Follow your bliss. If you quiet your mind your heart alrady knows what you want. Follow that feeling. You said you were offered trials. It seems to me that you do not know yet if there is a decision to be made. Try out. If they accept you and offer you something, than you have a decision to make. If she truly loves you she will support your dream. If you do not follow your dream you risk regretting it for the rest of your life.

I sincerely hope this helps.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • st3vo
  • st3vo's Avatar Topic Author
  • Guest
28 May 2012 19:56 #62012 by st3vo
Replied by st3vo on topic stuck in a rut
Thank you all for your wise words! In reply to your comment about if she loves me then she will understand (roughly what you said) unfortunately due to her nature she doesn't quite work like this. I have pointed out the scholarship to her in the hope she will realise it as been offered to me but her exact reply was, why would you want to do that when your coming to school with me" I would also like to point out we are merely just very good friends despite my best efforts she has however hinted that when school starts and we see more of each other then possibly something may happen. So I'm stuck between my dream of a profession in football or a girl I could loose if I make the wrong choice, that I just cannot live without!

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Akkarin
  • Akkarin's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 20:20 #62015 by Akkarin
Replied by Akkarin on topic stuck in a rut
Why is it impossible for you both too still see each other, if only occasionally if you take the scholarship?

And if this is your dream job why would she not want you to go after it? I would hope she would be supportive instead of apparently selfish

If you love each other the distance between you will hardly matter, you have the internet which you can use to talk to each other and phones, and you can still visit her

You seem worried about the number of arguments you are having

Does this perhaps mean that you might be unfit for each other in the long run? As hard as that might be for you to admit to yourself

My last point would be that yes you do love her, but there are other woman out there should things go awry. There is only one chance for a football scholarship however

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Hadi Apollos
  • Hadi Apollos's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 22:00 - 28 May 2012 22:03 #62023 by Hadi Apollos
Replied by Hadi Apollos on topic stuck in a rut
I'm with Akkarin on this. If she cares for you, she will respect your decision. It seems like this is all about her, and she doesn't care what makes you happy. And prepare for "doesn't being with me make you happy?"

I've been in this situation. I was actually dating the girl. It's hard to turn down someone you care about, but when you know what you want to do, you have to go for it. If the other person refuses to support you, just think about how many other decisions you will make down the road and how they will be turned down by her because it's not in her best interest. I hate to sound mean, but we are adults and this is real life. You and this girl aren't even officially dating yet and she's already trying to tell you what to do with your life. Honestly, I would get out while I could.

I am also not very thrilled with her saying that if you drop what you want to do that she will choose to go beyond friendship. Now she's trying to get you to not do what what you want by dangling herself in front of you.

YOU need to take control of YOUR life and do what makes you happy. If she can't understand this, then it is her problem, not yours. She needs to grow up and act like an adult. She needs to learn what it means to be in a relationship. As I said, I hate to be so harsh, but we are adults and this is real life. Should you give up your hopes and dreams just to be with this girl, think about all the other stuff in the future that you will have to give up just to be with her. This does not sound like a healthy relationship. Excuse my bluntness.
Last edit: 28 May 2012 22:03 by Hadi Apollos.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • Kawda Dopor
  • Kawda Dopor's Avatar
  • Guest
28 May 2012 22:13 #62024 by Kawda Dopor
Replied by Kawda Dopor on topic stuck in a rut
I agree with both Hadi and Akkarin.

DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. IF you do you will most definitely regret it. Life isn't based so much on a relationship than it is on your basic needs.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

  • st3vo
  • st3vo's Avatar Topic Author
  • Guest
28 May 2012 22:18 #62025 by st3vo
Replied by st3vo on topic stuck in a rut
Thank you to the both of you especially you Hadi, you have put it bluntly but that was exactly what I wanted to hear i have known for a while that she has been manipulating me and telling me what I want to hear for her own sake, but I keep denying it to hear it one from someone else has reassured me, I can't say this is going to be easy after all you can't just stop loving someone but in the long run I know this is for the best. Again I really can't thank you all enough for your advice you are all truly a blessing in desguise!

Please Log in to join the conversation.

Moderators: KobosBrickZero