“One of history’s few iron laws is that luxuries tend to become necessities and to spawn new obligations. Once people get used to a certain luxury, they take it for granted. Then they begin to count on it. Finally they reach a point where they can’t live without it." (Location 1379, Harari Sapeins). Complete the following lesson:

Part 1: Over the course of 3 days, write down a list of needs as you become aware of them.

(Examples: Lunch, to not be late, to be alone, company, for my feet to stop hurting, encouragement, quiet, a night to myself, sex, a glass of water) Do not duplicate notes. At the end of 3 days, write each need out on index cards.

Part 2: Lay your cards out on a large, flat surface. Sort and cluster them in a way that makes sense to you .

Why did you sort them that way?

What can you observe/learn from any trends or patterns?

What did you learn from the process?

Part 3: Guiding Principles - Consider and Respond

We all have basic needs, be they physiological, psychological, social, etc.

There is a difference between the nature of the need and how we go about meeting it.

We may have moral issues and/or shame with certain needs as well as how we go about meeting those needs.

Needs consistently left unmet lead to breakdown, maladaptive behavior, etc.

One need may masquerade for another.

Sex ≠ Connection, Food ≠ Security, Distance ≠ Safety, Physical Strength ≠ Emotional Safety, Intensity ≠ Authenticity.

Not all strategies work. Strategies built on a misunderstanding of needs will fail every time.

Part 4: Identify a need or category of need, preferably something you would regard as essential, that is not consistently met. Allow yourself some time in your choice. Be certain.

What is the need? What is the nature of the need?

How do you feel about this need? What is your opinion of it?

How do you address it? Are these methods effective? Are they consistent with your value system?

Explore this need and how one might meet it effectively. What would that mean for you?