Weekly Sermon 4-3-11

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Sunday Sermon

Grudges

April 3, 2011

 

“I seek peace. Not just within but without. If I am wrong, I say so and I apologize and make amends. I do not let today be eaten up by things I did yesterday; I clear the boards before I sleep. I live in today, because I chose not to waste today with resentments from the past or dreams or silliness: yesterday is gone. I do not forget, but there is no point on dwelling in the past. I live today. I try to live each moment to the hilt, and I remain present.” —Kir-wan Queren, Jedi Knight

 

 

This passage is an excerpt from the Jedi Holocron and it speaks true with my message for this week. If we were talking in an open congregation I would ask that anyone that has ever held a grudge to stand or raise their hands knowing that almost everyone would agree to some degree. So because everyone is doing it I would assume that it is ok to hold such grudges, correct? That is my question for you all today.

For many years I have worked on myself to become less angry at those that have hurt me in the past and felt that I was progressing along relatively well until recently. A couple months ago I began planning a trip to visit my grandmother and some biological relatives (I was adopted at the age of three). During the planning process I began to feel great anxiety towards my biological mother who lives below my grandmother in an “apartment”. The thought of having to deal with the woman that gave me away brought about anger and resentment. How could she throw us out of her life and expect me to want to talk to her? This was compounded by other stories about how she behaved in the past. So am I right to hold a grudge against her? At this point I believed she deserved it and I continued planning and decided avoidance was going to be the key in preventing conflict. Finally the day came and I was visiting my grandmother took me out for lunch and on the way back a dreaded question, I was asked if my biological mother could take me to dinner. With great hesitation I agreed and began to think about my feelings. Why did I still have such hatred for her? Why could I not move past this when so many other things were dismissed without a second thought? How could a person that I had not had to deal with in 30 years control my emotions?

This, my brothers and sisters is a grudge in its purest form. Before I discuss the resolution I would like to touch a bit on the dangers of holding a grudge for much too long. When we hold grudges against other people the first thing it does is give them power over you. Enslaved by your emotions it can hold you back from being the person you want to be. It can hinder relationships with your family and friends because of the underlying doubt that they may betray you as well. Grudges that are left unresolved can allow anger to build up inside of you and soon spill over into other parts of your life. Anger also leads use to distrust and with that you will find yourself alone. The next problem now comes with being angry and alone, you now blame this state on the original grudge which compounds the issue. Just as I did with the situation I just talked about, because I was adopted I blamed all the other problems that came about with my new family on the fact that my mother gave me away to people that did not care about me either. “How dare she put me in this position!”

So, what do we do? How do we get past the endless cycle? I will tell you first forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being angry. It’s okay to be angry for a time but now it is time to let go. Once you do that it is time to give the person you are angry with. These first two steps are the hardest things to do if you plan to clear the hurdle and take back your happiness. After I was able to make those steps the next thing I did was talk about how I felt with her and it was almost funny to me thinking about how if I had stayed angry and not met with her all these stories that she had to share about me and my brother getting so close and about my grandfather that had passed several years ago. All these family stories would have been lost if I had continued the way I was. A great weight was lifted that day and new doors were opened in my life. I returned home happier with my family and over the last week have not felt the strains of past relationships controlling how I acted with my wife and daughter.

This week I challenge each of you to look into your life and see if you still hold any unresolved grudges. Do you have any anger toward others that may be holding you back? Do not allow other to control your life by allowing them to have power over your feelings. If you do have a grudge please try to forgive yourself and whoever your grudge is with. I know you will see, just as I did, the incredible relief that comes with letting go.

 

Comments (9)

  2. #4280
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Thank you for the sermon. I myself have many unresolved grudges that I have accumualated since I was very young.<br /><br />There are many Horror stories, like Ring and Drag Me To Hell that deal with the dark, destructive energy that can grow...

Thank you for the sermon. I myself have many unresolved grudges that I have accumualated since I was very young.<br /><br />There are many Horror stories, like Ring and Drag Me To Hell that deal with the dark, destructive energy that can grow from unresolved grudges. While real life stories of pent-up anger do not always involve disturbed schoolgirls and gypsies ( ) I think that grudges can become destructive.

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  2. #4281
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True Words Br. Damion..... and glad to hear you took the challenge, (and adventure!) of meeting your mom... I am positive it will reward you many times over...<br /><br />I too, have forgiven many who have wronged me... Sometimes, it is good to...

True Words Br. Damion..... and glad to hear you took the challenge, (and adventure!) of meeting your mom... I am positive it will reward you many times over...<br /><br />I too, have forgiven many who have wronged me... Sometimes, it is good to take stock in our reasons for our feelings and evaluate them from time to time....<br /><br />Take a chance, live an adventure...<br /><br />Again, thank you...

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  2. #4282
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truly a very good message. this has already helped me alot. thanx!! :lol:

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  2. #4283
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Thank you for this Sermon. I myself have little difficulty with grudges, but I find it very difficult at times helping others with the grudges they hold.<br /><br />Easier said than done is very true with this. I often tell others to come to...

Thank you for this Sermon. I myself have little difficulty with grudges, but I find it very difficult at times helping others with the grudges they hold.<br /><br />Easier said than done is very true with this. I often tell others to come to terms with your feelings so you can move past it. This sermon has helped to give me insight to help others. <br /><br />Again, thank you.

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  2. #4284
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Greetings each<br /><br />I really liked this sermon thank you for sharing it.<br /><br />Yes I have held grudges against some people in my like. My Father who abandoned me in Africa ,My gandparents for not giving me a choice of what I might want...

Greetings each<br /><br />I really liked this sermon thank you for sharing it.<br /><br />Yes I have held grudges against some people in my like. My Father who abandoned me in Africa ,My gandparents for not giving me a choice of what I might want ,when I was forced to leave my home in Africa . The excuse for a human being that lived next door to me. <br /><br />All that said. I now feel I could have delt with these issues in a far better way. Well that is all about experience in life and learning lessons ,gaining that knowledge ,that if ever such issues should arise again I will be prepared to deal with them and deal with it in an instant. <br /><br />Thes grudges in my view ,if left poison the body with bady energy and that really is not good.<br /><br />Thanks again for reminding me of how to behave :)<br /><br />Yours in the spirit of Budo<br /><br />Mike

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  2. #4285
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Thank you, this is timely for me as well as I have let a past hurt that had let go off come up again with another wrong that was done to me. And this has been eating at me for so long that it has poisoned just about every relationship in my life....

Thank you, this is timely for me as well as I have let a past hurt that had let go off come up again with another wrong that was done to me. And this has been eating at me for so long that it has poisoned just about every relationship in my life. I too have had to step back from the brink and say to myself am I going to let this continue to poison me or not ..........the process in forgiving that I had forgotten about was forgiving myself for being angry and that is something I have to work on every day not to fall into those dark thoughts. I hope it gets easier with time again thanks for the essentials of this process

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  2. #4286
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I really wish that I could forgive some of the ones that have hurt me.. but mabey if I forgive them here, where ever they are, thier hearts will get the message?

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  2. #4287
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DO U GUYS HAVE LIGHT SABERS :cry:

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  2. #7101
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Thank you for this sermon. I spent a huge chunk of my life holding grudges against so many people. After a while I tired of allowing them to continue to poison my mind and heart. It took a long time but I left most grudges in the past. I also try...

Thank you for this sermon. I spent a huge chunk of my life holding grudges against so many people. After a while I tired of allowing them to continue to poison my mind and heart. It took a long time but I left most grudges in the past. I also try like mad to not pick up any more. Life is far too short to be spent tangled up in grudges, anger, and hatred.

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