I wrote this a while back and with the Jedi Memorial Day, thought It might be appropriate with the feelings that can sometimes come up when thinking of those who passed...

 

We all die, we all deal with death at some time, and we come to terms with various kinds of death.  These are things that are part of our lives and who we are, some may even come to the temple looking for meaning, or feeling lost after losing another.  But some of us deal with complex situations, a loved one who is in pain, but doctors won't pull the plug, a family member who caused much pain who had drug problems dying... and many other possibilities.  The mixture of emotions, the decisions, they do make us grow... to grow up, to grow inward, to sometimes grow a shell.

 

I was told a quote recently that put a bit of perspective I hadn't noticed before, the quote is: "everyone brings light into the world.  Some when they are born, some while they live, and others when they die" and it got me thinking in terms of the balance that we carry, and perceive... Some people bring light into our lives, are giving and supportive, and help make life more bearable, while others bring darkness and cause mayhem, pain, loss, and disappointment.  Its not too much of a stretch that when people that could fit in different categories pass on, we are going to feel different about it.

 

The situation of death can have an effect on us as well... When my grandmother passed on she had both Lung Cancer and Alzheimer's and lived at home and I was the Primary Caregiver, there was a point that she didn't know who or where she was and the cancer made it not possible for her to breath when awake because she would have freakouts, start coughing and be in pain, when it got to a point that she was probably going to die slowly and violently I talked with the doctor about her medicines and off the record asked if there was things I could do that he couldn't to ease her pain.  He perscribed enough pain-killer and a few other things to last for a month and told me to give her a daily dose hourly to keep her under and out of pain, me and my mother agreed this was the best option and took this route, while it may have sped up the process, it let her die peacefully and with dignity instead of a long period of excruciating pain.  

 

It troubled me for some time afterwards that I did not feel pain about her passing, I knew she was better off and that I'd done the right thing, but It bothered me that I was not as sorrowful as the people around me.  I knew the pain she had been in and the struggle she had gone through, and was happy that she was in a better place (whatever that place may be) 

 

Since then I have come to terms with all of that, and feel good about what I did... I helped ease one person's passage, and help the rest of my family by not letting them see the agony that she would of gone through had we not made the decision that we had made.  


This is where I stopped before, but would like to say a few things, We as people tend to mourn those close to us, and be de-sensitized to the deaths of those we do not know, we can look at the obituaries and feel sad if they were around our own age as it makes us look at our own mortality, but we do not always realize that each of those people were a life to be cherished, memories that people will pass on, and lives that were touched.  And as much as that life is to be appreciated, So should death... as it gives our humanity its drive, its encouragement, its mortality and worth, Death is not the end, only a phase in the long path that this universe journeys, our remains will become one with the universe someday, and eventually parts of us become parts of new life, and the cycle continues on and on

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Jasper, I could feel sorrow while was reading your sermon, as you spoke about your grandmother my own feeling of how I felt when my mum was dying surfaced and your right. I would have probably done anything to prevent the suffering she went...

Jasper, I could feel sorrow while was reading your sermon, as you spoke about your grandmother my own feeling of how I felt when my mum was dying surfaced and your right. I would have probably done anything to prevent the suffering she went through.Like myself my mother was voluptous woman but by the time she passed she was little more than 6stone. I miss her everyday and its been twelve and a half years. Most of the time, these days, I can now smile when I think of her. She was giving, caring and dominated the family. She was an Old Battle Axe but she was MY, Old Battle Axe.

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We all grieve in different ways. And I think it is fine to not be as sorrowfull as those around you. I believe that in many cases, particularly in ones such as yours (loved one with a long term/chronic illness), we grieve along the way. So in the...

We all grieve in different ways. And I think it is fine to not be as sorrowfull as those around you. I believe that in many cases, particularly in ones such as yours (loved one with a long term/chronic illness), we grieve along the way. So in the end, we have already felt the sorrow and have already grieved for them. My grandfather also had Alzheimers. Upon his passing, many of my family including me, didn't act as sorrowful as one would imagine. We knew what was coming and had already grieved. But we too had that feeling of knowing he was in a better place and no longer in pain.

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I had a similar experience helping my mum care for dad as the cancer took hold. Fortunately he wasn't in pain for most of it but we still bore the weight of the emotional burden. In the same way as you, I did not seem to grieve as much as those...

I had a similar experience helping my mum care for dad as the cancer took hold. Fortunately he wasn't in pain for most of it but we still bore the weight of the emotional burden. In the same way as you, I did not seem to grieve as much as those around me but then again I do not see death as something to fear but to celebrate - after all, they will be journeying into experiences that we can only dream of.<br /><br />I also had the privilege of officiating at his funeral and this allowed me to provide the comfort and strength to my familyt and friends that was needed at that time. In that way, it also helped me to honour my father's life and to do what I could to celebrate that.<br /><br />In various traditions around the world, death is a major cause for celebration and the person's life deeds are honoured in the most exuberant way. When we cry for those that have passed, we are really mourning the fact that they are no longer with us but as Jedi we know that they are still there, just in a different form.<br /><br />Thank you for your sermon - it fits perfectly at this time of year, a time of reflection and remembrance when we draw together as a community. May the Force be with us all.

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Ah, Master Jasper.... I read this when it was posted, and I have written a response three times, one of these will make it to the post.......<br /><br />After reading Master Mark's post, it struck me as to what I've been trying to post..... <br...

Ah, Master Jasper.... I read this when it was posted, and I have written a response three times, one of these will make it to the post.......<br /><br />After reading Master Mark's post, it struck me as to what I've been trying to post..... <br /><br />My dad passed, a year ago July.... We lost touch, many years ago, within the last 5-7 years, we started reaching out to one other.......<br /><br />At his memorial service, I was asked to speak, I declined, (I now wished I woulda spoke), but I was at a loss at the time as to what to say.... And I was rebelling against the service, as my father wanted cremated and no services.....<br /><br />My sister, belittled me in her eulogy, telling the crowd that I had refused to speak.... She is not a public speaker and I think it was to help focus some attention on me.... That was ok... I am a public speaker and I had not I had not a clue what to say, nor a desire to speak....<br /><br />My mom, (they separated in 1988), wrote a list of my dad's vital statistics. And that is what my sister read, and how she read it... Straight down the list.... We knew little of the real man. Only what our history with him and he, himself, told us.... He moved 14 hours away shortly after he and my mother separated...... <br /><br />I was very ..... angry? sad? disappointed? With my father... For all those complicated reasons that a child dislikes their parents.... <br /><br />I think he tried his best. We all should...... It is easy to second guess...... One of my favorite sayings, "Hindsight is 20/20".... And what I tell anyone, "make the best decision you can, with the information available at this moment...."<br /><br />Damn, he was right...... Double damn, I sound VERY similar to him when I talk to my own kids....... *sigh*

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