Apologies and actions discussion

So why do some people believe that a simple apology is always enough? Like "sorry I accidently burned your house down with everything in it, let me take you out and buy you a pizza for dinner I know this killer place that puts pineapples on it, I know your allergic but trust me it's to die for"

It's crazy right? So here is my discussion, and I know every situation is subjective and different but in general where in your lives do you draw the line of distinction between being apologetic and needing actions to speak louder then words?

Part 2, how do you feel that line wherever it is fits or has been defined by your path in jediism?

And finally part 3, when your line and the line of the person (s) your interacting with are dramatically different, how do you handle those scenarios?

Discuss!

Maybe try a realistic example? The one you stated above is something I have definitely not encounter (and I hope you have not either).

I see an apology as the first step of many, towards re-establishing trust. The length of steps depends on the degree to which the trust was injured.

Manu wrote: Maybe try a realistic example? The one you stated above is something I have definitely not encounter (and I hope you have not either).

I see an apology as the first step of many, towards re-establishing trust. The length of steps depends on the degree to which the trust was injured.

No thankfully it did not happen to me but it is a real example that came across my Facebook feed not long ago which is what helped me come up with the idea. What are some examples you can think of and post and see how difference of opinion come of it?

Such as hey sorry I forgot to send you an invite to a party vs hey sorry I accidently killed your cat by forgetting to feed it while your gone?

Tellahane wrote:

Manu wrote: Maybe try a realistic example? The one you stated above is something I have definitely not encounter (and I hope you have not either).

I see an apology as the first step of many, towards re-establishing trust. The length of steps depends on the degree to which the trust was injured.

No thankfully it did not happen to me but it is a real example that came across my Facebook feed not long ago which is what helped me come up with the idea. What are some examples you can think of and post and see how difference of opinion come of it?

Such as hey sorry I forgot to send you an invite to a party vs hey sorry I accidently killed your cat by forgetting to feed it while your gone?

You came across a real life example of a guy that burned another guys house down and then tried to apologize by poisoning him? that's a pretty clear example that the apology should not be accepted to me!!

Beyond that its about forgiveness, not forgetness. Are you willing to forgive? how valuable is the relationship to you. That's all it is, so I dont think anyone can answer this question in a vacuum like you provided here. I can give real life examples though. I forgive arisaig for things hes done to me and I have apologized for things I did to him and I hope we grow stronger as friends. But for Zenchi I will not forgive him for his indiscretions. My reasons are below, open if you dare.

Who is apologising? Canadians?

You did what you did for the reasons you did it at the time, and there is every likelihood you would do it again. You probably think the person you are apologising to is over reacting and doesn't appreciate the reasons or intentions of what you were doing.



I'm not sure I've heard a single apology in my life that I thought was genuine (at best, I've heard people feel guilty, and apologise as a balm to their own distress)







So I don't sound like I'm just antagonising - my point is apologies are cheap. Cheaper than dirt, and I already own a lot of dirt. If you feel (and understand) that your actions have actually cost me something, and for some reason that bothers you - seek to make recompense. Anything is just posturing and rubbish.

Apologies are just words.
You show through actions, through time if you truly are sorry and not just paying lip service.
If you care enougth to bother, if not f**k it and move on.

JamesSand wrote: Who is apologising? Canadians?

You did what you did for the reasons you did it at the time, and there is every likelihood you would do it again. You probably think the person you are apologising to is over reacting and doesn't appreciate the reasons or intentions of what you were doing.



I'm not sure I've heard a single apology in my life that I thought was genuine (at best, I've heard people feel guilty, and apologise as a balm to their own distress)

Warning: Spoiler!

came across my Facebook feed not long ago

I empty my bowels every morning. What of it?

So I don't sound like I'm just antagonising - my point is apologies are cheap. Cheaper than dirt, and I already own a lot of dirt. If you feel (and understand) that your actions have actually cost me something, and for some reason that bothers you - seek to make recompense. Anything is just posturing and rubbish.

Interesting so it doesn't matter what the action was the apology isn't genuine simply because of the choice they made at the time,even if they were perhaps not aware of all the circumstances?

Apologies can be genuine. But as JS points out, many times apologies serve the one apologizing to relieve their guilt, more than to actually make amends.

Now if the apology is completely counter to the actions and attitudes evident by the person offering them, then it is, indeed, useless.

Interesting so it doesn't matter what the action was the apology isn't genuine simply because of the choice they made at the time,even if they were perhaps not aware of all the circumstances?

I do investigations all the time, and I do have to make sure I investigate the decisions and information leading up to the decision in isolation of "what we know now" (or hindsight, if you prefer), before determining any appropriate penalty.


I also don't really care if the people involved in the investigation are sorry, because they are probably also only sorry in hindsight of what they know now.

the upside is, I get to assist in determining the "actions" that make up the appropriate response to the fault (I personally also shoot for actions that are actually useful, some of my comrades prefer more vindictive actions - probably because they have a slightly different philosophy to me, or imagine that everyone knows everything all the time and any mistakes are the act of genuine malice. But hey, who said people in authority couldn't be biased or incompetent?)


Sometimes I even made bad decisions that affect people. I try not to apologise, I try to
A. Make better decisions in the future.
B. If it is within my power, enact something that will "give back" to the people who were affected.

I guess I see it internally less like "I'm sorry" and more like how insurance works - if someone has paid their premiums to me, I'll pay out when something bad happens, if that something bad falls within the bounds of the policy.

Manu wrote: Apologies can be genuine. But as JS points out, many times apologies serve the one apologizing to relieve their guilt, more than to actually make amends.

Is there ever a sincere apology given without a level of guilt from the person apologizing? is it not the guilt for the action that causes the contriteness that leads to apology? Without guilt there would be no desire to correct wrongs. another example of an emotion that is not actually negative but serves a constructive purpose.