Apology

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31 Aug 2016 00:24 - 31 Aug 2016 00:31 #254834 by OB1Shinobi
Replied by OB1Shinobi on topic Apology

Edan wrote: Perhaps we should all take a step back from this thread for a bit...

Rosalyn J wrote: Yay!

Teach me to eat food and look away from the forum for a second. :P

Let's take Edan's advice and take a break from this thread for a day.

Judging by the forum clock. We can start again (if the topic is still relevant) at 31 August 2016 @ 23:00 UTC


Ladies, I consider you both to be role models, and and I have sincere respect for each of you

in my opinion, there is no need to withdraw from this conversation; in fact, there is a good opportunity here

for me, there is a chance to respond to feedback in a mature way, as well as to demonstrate what that looks like

i hope im getting it right (or at least, right enough)

also, there is the opportunity to address the theme of how to respond to things that make us uncomfortable

one of the main reasons i was as short with sNe1a as i was, is because he chose to deal with something that he didnt like (but that he didnt understand, and that really wasnt any of his business anyway) by demanding (or "requesting) that other people change to conform to his own comfort level

the "conversation" between Aletha and yokozunasakamoto - or whatever he called himself - didnt conform to my comfort level, and if you go and look at that thread, i resolved the situation in a really subtle but effective way - by not involving myself in it to begin with

the awesomeness of my technique was that it doesnt require that i demand anything from anyone other than myself - a little recognition of what i want to pay attention to, and a little discipline in what hyperlinks i click on, and it was just as if that argument didnt exist at all

there is a theme of hyper-sensitivity that has become stupidly popular lately and im not going to cooperate with it because i feel it is emotionally debilitating
its way more useful of a skill to be able to compose yourself when you are in an uncomfortable situation than it is to demand that everyone around you stop making you uncomfortable

i do believe we should be courteous and cordial, and i think that i am being both, now, and if i am not then i am open to feedback as to exactly how

but no, im not going to stop talking simply because you are uncomfortable - ive corrected my own emotional equilibrium, and ive taken responsibility to moderate the tone of my responses, thats as much as any of us have a right to expect of each other

People are complicated.
Last edit: 31 Aug 2016 00:31 by OB1Shinobi.

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31 Aug 2016 00:40 - 31 Aug 2016 00:45 #254837 by sNe1a
Replied by sNe1a on topic Apology

OB1Shinobi wrote: Stuff


You should listen to Rosalyn because you are saying hurtful things to me and others.

You should also look at my private message. It could really benefit you.

Also I am a she. Please respect pronouns. I even put that I was a female on my profile so look there.

Oof
Last edit: 31 Aug 2016 00:45 by sNe1a. Reason: Forgot something rather important (again)

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31 Aug 2016 00:53 - 31 Aug 2016 01:40 #254838 by OB1Shinobi
Replied by OB1Shinobi on topic Apology
i dont look at people profiles just becausethey talk to me
and anyway your profile doesnt actually specify that information

you might be too sensitive for this but its true anyway and it will benefit you to know: your picture looks like a male, and your screen name is totally androgynous - it is not unfair that i assumed you to be a he, but i do apologize, and i will refer to you with the appropriate pronoun from here on out

People are complicated.
Last edit: 31 Aug 2016 01:40 by OB1Shinobi.
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31 Aug 2016 02:39 - 31 Aug 2016 02:44 #254851 by OB1Shinobi
Replied by OB1Shinobi on topic Apology

OB1Shinobi wrote: ...for me, there is a chance to respond to feedback in a mature way, as well as to demonstrate what that looks like

i hope im getting it right (or at least right enough)...


sNe1a: i was impolite to you in my initial response

i wont offer any excuses or explanations, my tone was not becoming of a Jedi, and not condusive to the kind of environment we want to create here, and i apologize, sincerely

People are complicated.
Last edit: 31 Aug 2016 02:44 by OB1Shinobi.
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31 Aug 2016 05:45 #254867 by JamesSand
Replied by JamesSand on topic Apology
I was going to PM Ob1Shinobi, but I'll post it here. (I have not quite justified in my head why yet)


- I like most of what you have said here. Some was snarky, and short, and a little heartless, and I believe that was the lesson you intended to give.

Life is a nasty place, and you can't expect it to be nice to you and respect your self imposed boundaries or definitions just "because"

You can't create rules for the universe to jump through to please you (well, you can, with enough money. I believe the late Prince paid his "people" to go into a room before he did and make sure there was no one there he would find displeasing, and to ensure they all said things he'd like)
But, none of you are Prince, and that's not really "being in" the world you're in...


I think Silas has many things to learn and develop as he matures and becomes whatever sort of person he wants to be, but there's not a "time" when you "click" from learning to being - so take the hits as they come (FYI Silas- I had no problem with you asking the question, but my thoughts in that thread are in that thread, so I won't repeat them)

As for Sne1a - No one wants to offend you on a personal level as far as I can understand - You can have whatever name, gender identity, or anything else you want - but to demand everyone else be aware of and make amendments to their behaviour to suit is as oppressive as them dictating your behaviour and preferences to you.


All this can be summed up in one of my Father's essential life lessons "Drive like everyone on the road is trying to kill you"
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31 Aug 2016 08:41 #254899 by Silas Mercury
Replied by Silas Mercury on topic Apology
Don't argue. I was apologising. Maybe I'll take a break from posting on the forum. Maybe not. I'm sorry everyone or the commotion I have caused. Murasaki and I. I am sorry on his behalf too, because whilst he is my friend he is stubborn.

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31 Aug 2016 08:51 #254904 by Ben
Replied by Ben on topic Apology

Silas Mercury wrote: I'm sorry everyone or the commotion I have caused. Murasaki and I. I am sorry on his behalf too, because whilst he is my friend he is stubborn.



You can only apologise for you yourself...you are not responsible for what anyone else says or does.

Nevertheless, the second apology as pertains to yourself is appreciated...

Perhaps you might like to think about how to make sure that you don't find yourself coming back here to offer a third... ;)
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31 Aug 2016 10:04 #254921 by Zenchi
Replied by Zenchi on topic Apology

Silas Mercury wrote: Don't argue. I was apologising. Maybe I'll take a break from posting on the forum. Maybe not. I'm sorry everyone or the commotion I have caused. Murasaki and I. I am sorry on his behalf too, because whilst he is my friend he is stubborn.


Please learn something from it. You're pretty angry, and I totally get it, I do. That crap, it WILL eat you from the inside if you don't find a costructive outlet my friend, I speak from experience.

It may feel justified, but you're not the first person to want to shake their fists at the violence. Are you truly Jedi? Learn from it and become a better person as a result. Now is much better than later...

My Word is my Honor, and my Honor is my Life ~ Sturm Brightblade
Passion, yet Serenity
Knighted Apprentice Arisaig
TM- RyuJin
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31 Aug 2016 10:07 #254923 by Brick
Replied by Brick on topic Apology
You're a good guy at heart Silas, you'll get there :)

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31 Aug 2016 13:55 #254968 by Alethea Thompson
Replied by Alethea Thompson on topic Apology
Don't apologize for Murasaki. When he gets an opportunity to come back (in about 2ish days) he can apologize himself if he wants to.

Just worry about the person(s) you are responsible for: you, and if you happen to have children, your children.

;)

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